Coming to college entails opening yourself up to people from places and backgrounds you may not have ever even heard of.
Whether it be socio-economic status, culture, or values, we are bound to find some element that separates us from the person walking past us. This becomes a challenge, a test of character : will I be able to set my differences aside and focus on the things we have in common instead ? Better yet, can I learn from this person, maybe apply some of these characteristics to my own life ? Conflicts only rise when one person refuses to let themselves walk around in the others' shoes.
It's too easy to meet someone and immediately turn to stereotypes based on the way they look, speak, or where they're from. This creates an automatic constraint, as if it's impossible to unsee the things you assumed about this person without really knowing them. The amount of times I've heard the remark "I really thought you were a bitch until I got to know you" is almost concerning, but the reason I don't change my attitude is because I learned that there are those that give me the benefit of the doubt, and those that automatically turn around, thinking I'm a lost cause. Those who are able to put these judgements aside are the only people worthy of your time.
That's not to say that it's all or nothing : you will always have that person that you just know has a very distinct pre-conceived image of you, but will never shake it. Only the strongest people are able to cut those friendships off, because in the end of the day, someone that refuses to see you for who you really are can never be someone you confide in. You know what I'm talking about. We all have that one friend that we avoid certain topics with because it will either automatically lead to an argument, or a really unhelpful and passive response. This is utter invalidation of your feelings.
What's important to one person could mean nothing to another, but people often fail to realize that, regardless of what it is, they are just as negatively affected. The person beside me could be torn to shreds about their parents divorce, while I could be equally hurt about a guy. That's when you get hit with the feeling that the other person thinks they are having it way harder, and that you're just being petty. Hypothetically speaking, my parents could have been going through a brutal divorce when I was kid, but it might not affect me as much as it would somebody else. Out of pettiness, I would never admit that I had gone through something similar, purely because that's not what I'd be seeking empathy or advice about. I don't need unfounded pity, I need support.
It's not because I'm from the Upper East Side that my biggest problem is whatever bitchy thing Blair did to Serena on Gossip Girl. I've grieved, I've had my heart broken, I've had my house damaged by floods and hurricanes, I've faced failure, I've been injured, and just because they're not the things I choose to talk about doesn't mean that they've never happened to me. I don't expectanyone to comfort me about things that I never told them about, I expect that they recognize what I choose to open up about as more than "superficial issues".
You've had this conversation before : you and your friend are having a bad day and you choose to meet up and wallow on the floor. You start talking about all the things that are going wrong with your life, and your so called friend answers a solid "yeah…". Great, thanks for the help. Sure, maybe we're both having problems, maybe neither of us wants to deal with each others problems, or our own for that matter. That's fine. But leave it at that, don't try telling me that we both might have it bad but that you have it worse.
Moral of the story is, that one friend that you know always has something of their own going on but will never miss your phone call, and more importantly, will never make you feel like you're wasting their time, that's the one that matters.
Hell, they can be your only friend. (You know who you are).
