In the past three years my pants size has ranged from a size 10 to a size 2. I am now a size 4. Through all of these size changes I noticed that my pants sizes were becoming a reflection of what season of life I was in.
A size 10- I was a lost high school graduate who was looking for her place. I had just graduated high school and was preparing for college. I had this need for a circle of friends, and I was so desperately looking for the place that made me feel at home and myself. I was uncomfortable in my own skin because I had let myself go, and I knew I needed a change. I knew I would be happy when I was small and fit.... or so I thought.
A size 2- Fast forward a year and 6 pants size smaller .... I was 117 pounds and a size 2. This size, oh this was a dark time. I was a girl who was at my lowest of lows. I had recently been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and you could see from my outer appearance that something was wrong. I didn't have a spark, I didn't have a glow. But why? I had lost 30 Pounds!! How was I not happy being small! The compliments of " wow you're so small" or "you've lost so much weight" those felt good!! But they didn't.... I was happy with how I looked on the outside but I was so much darker, on the inside, than my size 10! So again, I knew I needed a change.
A Size 4- my current size...now THIS. This is good. Right now, in my life I am so content. I have done some true soul searching and I am so happy with what I have found; happiness. I have surrounded myself with the best options of people to help mold me into my best self. I have a job, that creates more light in my life (that simply comes from 13 little smiles), and truly irreplaceable coworkers. I have a family that is second to none. They have remained by my side through this entire "Pants Size Journey" and never once let me forget my ultimate goal: make that change.
Let me give you some insight on what I did to reach this size..... I stopped looking at my pants size. I looked at what filled those pants.... myself. You can not be happy until you're happy with yourself. Do you know what compliment is better than "wow you're skinny" ?? "WOW YOU LOOK HAPPY" or "That smile is gorgeous" and it's a smile that is a true reflection of what you feel!
As women, We live in a society that tells us how to look or what we should look like. We should live in a place that tells us how we should feel! And that's good!
Girls, your size may change but there is something that never will...Your heart!! People will fall in love with you. Not what you look like, or what number is on a scale. Please, stop worrying about what you need to do for a number on your waist, and worry about what you need to do to be you. Be so happy people ask how you got there, not what program you used! You are created in the eyes of a king who handcrafted you perfect! Please stop trying to change that. Your pants size doesn't make you someone beautiful, your heart does.
