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Your Incomplete Guide to Staying Sane on Campus

Especially useful for the forgetful and socially inept.

Sep 11, 2020

Your Incomplete Guide to Staying Sane on Campus

Experiment with the bus system. Become increasingly anxious as the bus misses every single one of your possible stops. Realize that you don't know how public transportation works. Sit there as the bus leaves campus. Panic.

2. Take a walk on the fitness trail. Admire the grey clouds in the sky. Optimistically hope that it will not rain and leave your umbrella in the dorm. Be very wrong. Emerge from the forest wet and ashamed. Make eye contact with a car as it drives past.

3. Lure potential friends to your room by blasting Green Day. Be reprimanded by your RA. Remain calm as your roommate frantically tries to muffle the speaker under a stuffed animal.

4. Prepare a dinner of strawberry Poptarts. Realize you need a more balanced meal. Run to Publix 5 minutes before it closes. Buy hot sauce.

5. Take a stroll through campus at night with your roommate. Discover over-athletic shirtless dudes. Feel terribly unathletic. After your narrow escape, stumble upon a midnight dance cult. Be aggressively danced at. Confuse reality with that one weird Glee episode.

6. Attempt to ride the bus a second time. Also for the second time, forget it’s Florida, and leave the umbrella in your dorm room. Wait 25 minutes in the rain for the bus to arrive. Watch it mysteriously disappear from the schedule. Decide walking through a thunderstorm can't be that bad. Be cursed by wet socks.

7. Visit the botanical gardens. Frolic.

8. By informed by your roommate that she accidentally made 3 gallons of iced coffee, but only actually needed 1 gallon of iced coffee, so there is too much left over, and she absolutely must finish it before she leaves this weekend. Chug iced coffee. That is not enough. Plead the RA to finish it. Successfully avoid caffeine overdose.

9. Rediscover sims on your laptop. Play for a few minutes to escape reality. Wake up 48 hours later to 2 empty Red bulls and a concerned roommate. Wonder why Steve Rogers wants to WooHoo with the Grim Reaper.

10. Drag yourself and your roommate to the top of the parking garage to watch the sunset and live your indie dreams. Drink your 5th coffee of the day. Reflect on your first few weeks of college. Admire the grey clouds and rejoice in knowing that a whole semester of mistakes awaits you. Hear thunder and search for your umbrella. The one that you left in your dorm room. Again.

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Your Incomplete Guide to Staying Sane on Campus

Especially useful for the forgetful and socially inept.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

2. When there is only one section of a popular course.

3. Receiving the 18,000 emails reminding you to register ASAP.

4. When you need to see an advisor, but they are too busy/unresponsive.

5. Trying not to dress like a bum for your appointments with your advisors/department heads.

6. When you have a perfectly planned out schedule, and one class ruins it.

7. Carefully moving things around to accommodate a different class/section.

8. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for your enrollment time.

9. Concocting a new schedule at your enrollment time after your original plan gets changed.

10. Getting into a class and filling the last available seat.

11. When all of your classes finally go through.

12. Realizing that you forgot a class that was a pre-requisite for everything else.

When your capability of "adulting" is put to the test

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

"Nobody living in one of the most influential nations in the world should be worried about making ends meet."

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What are the benefits of raising the minimum wage?

What are the states that have set a $15/hour minimum wage?

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Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

1. When you have to provide an "interesting fact" for your first day ice-breaker.

2. When your professor is babbling on and on in his lecture.

3. When you edit your friend's paper and they get an A.

4. When it's 2 AM and you remember you have a test tomorrow.

5. When you finish taking the test and you're pretty sure you failed...

6. ...but then you get the test back and somehow passed.

7. When you've been up for 12 hours straight writing a paper.

8. And then you manage to stay awake in class the next day.

9. When you have to butter up your professor for an extra credit opportunity.

10. When you're assigned a group project.

11. And your group-mates are trying to chat about life instead of the assignment.

12. When it's your last class of the day and you're about to go home.

13. But then you remember rent is due tonight and the anger comes back.

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