Most people my age don't know exactly what lupus is, so I have to explain it pretty frequently. Despite that, I never know how to really describe something that has changed my life forever. In short, lupus is an autoimmune disease where your immune system targets your healthy tissues as if they were foreign bodies.
No day is like the one before.
Symptoms change, how I deal with them changes too. Some days, I can conquer them and go on like normal; others they kind of control me; however, it's a part of me. It's often hard for people to understand though since they don't live with it and face it themselves, so I thought I'd shed a little light on some things I think you should know.
1. I don't want to be pitied.
My immune system may think it's doing a swell job fighting my healthy tissues, but it is actually slightly masochistic, I can't do things as quickly or as long as other people, but I can still accomplish what I want. It might take a little longer, but just because I'm a little slower, doesn't mean I'm a delicate, little flower who will be crushed at a single touch.
2. If I cancel plans because I need to sleep, it's because I actually need to sleep.
Because my immune system works against itself, my body is constantly worn out. A busy day can feel like I just ran a 5k, so if we had plans, and I cancelled, it wasn't because I didn't want to spend time with you; its because my body's fuel tank is on E, and I've got to refuel. Believe me. I'm much more fun when I'm on a full tank of sleep.
3. I'm not a buzzkill, I really can't drink.
With lupus, there are already risks of kidney and liver impairment, so I can't go out and drink with friends, like a lot of people my age. It's true I could drink in moderation, but the effects of alcohol on my kidneys and liver wouldn't be worth the short time of feeling good. I don't want to risk putting my body in jeopardy, so if I ever turn down alcohol, I'm not someone who wants to kill the fun; I'm just looking out for myself.
4. If I look swollen, it's because I am.
One of the "perks" of lupus is the lack of sleep induced swelling. There are days where I wake up to finger and toes that resemble sausages. Some days my eyes are heavy like I'm sick, but nope. Not sick, not like that anyways. Don't even get me started on my lips. Practically every day you could compare my lips to a fish or a girl who had really bad lip injections, but I promise you. My lips are real.
5. I need sleep. Lots of it.
If you haven't caught on yet, I need a lot of sleep in order to keep my body in some semblance of healthy. College causes me to have to sacrifice my precious sleep which in turn causes me to sacrifice my social life for sleep. Some might ask me why I'm bugging for having to give up sleep for a good time, but when you have friends that move faster than hurricane force winds, it's hard to say no.
6. I'm still the same person you know and love.
Even with lupus coursing through my veins, I am still the dorky weirdo that you're used to. I have to do things a little differently, take a few more precautions, sleep a little longer, but I still love eating too many tacos and/quesadillas, watching copious amounts of The Office, and riding around Starkville blaring music. I may be part of a large number of people affected by this disease, but I'll always be me.
