I would classify myself as a "hopeless romantic." The notion of falling in love with one person used to be the ideal life plan for me. But because I stuck to this plan so desperately, I became far too loyal to the first relationship I had.
My “first love” was in high school. Looking back, I don't even like calling it love. I thought it was love, but I was wrong. I thought I was being treated with respect, but I wasn't. I thought that the relationship was going to last, but it didn't.
I stopped doing activities that I used to love.
I heard hurtful things about myself from the person I was trying to please each and every day.
I put my friends second, and myself last.
But I didn't do anything about it.
I was more concerned with making my "first love" work, then moving on and knowing that there would be better people ahead.
Some of you may think that I should have known that high school relationships never last. Maybe you think that I shouldn't have put so much pressure on the first person I dated. Perhaps I should have had more confidence in myself to not go through such a shitty relationship for so long.
I acknowledge your concerns and respond with this: no matter when you realize that your first relationship isn't going to work, it hurts. Having to come to terms with heartache and the fact that you may have to go through this again, is really hard.
And I'm guessing there are more people out there who have gone through the same thing as me.
All over the world, people dream about meeting the love of their lives. They imagine meeting someone, falling in love, and living happily ever after. More often than not, there is an idea that the first person you fall in love with is the best.
They are the one you will never be able to forget.
They are the best love you will ever experience.
They are the one you will wish you could have spent the rest of your life with.
I'm here to tell you that that is complete BS.
Your first love is NOT the best love.
For most people, the first time you believe you are in love is during high school (or maybe into college). You are young. You are figuring out the world and yourself. To be frank, you don't know what love is.
You don't know what you need in a relationship.
You don't know where life is going to take you or where you want to go.
To top it all off, the person you are dating is in the exact same situation. You are both young, foolish, and unaware of what you want.
I'm not saying these first relationships aren't meaningful. At the time, yes, of course they are. You will learn more about yourself and what you like in another person. You will learn what you need from a partner and what you are able to give in a relationship as well.
But you do not need to dwell on these relationships just because they stumbled into your life first.
After your first love, you will need some well-deserved “me time.” Take some time for yourself. Figure out what your passions are. Remember what it’s like to not always focus on someone else.
Make yourself the center of your own world.
You might find out that you are a completely different person than you thought you were, and that’s okay.
Furthermore, the best thing about moving past your “first love” is that you can actually find someone who you do love. After some mistakes, some lessons learned, and probably a lot of heartache, you are going to know what to look for in your next partner.
You will know what it means to be treated right.
You will know how to tell when someone is looking out for your best interests.
You will know what love is.
For some, ending up with your “first love” is what actually happens. Maybe you are one of the lucky few who found the right person on the first try. For the rest of us, I'm guessing that it will take a few times to get it right.
Don't worry, don't get discouraged, and don't give up on love. The right person is out there for you; they might be working through some of their first relationships, too. You both will find each other when the time is right.
When you do, I guarantee that it will blow your “first love” out of the water.