Childhood nostalgia goes a long way. Some of my favorite childhood memories are of me fighting like Mulan, reading like Belle, and singing like Cinderella. Disney films have an immense impact on children (hello, "Frozen" craze) -- whether that impact be good or bad. Just how accurate, however, are our beloved adaptations of princesses, faraway lands, and knights in shining armor? It turns out that the original versions are a lot darker than any kid twirling around in a miniature Rapunzel gown could possibly imagine.
1. "Hercules" (1997)
A staple in any parent's DVD case, "Hercules" is a cute, fun adaptation of a famous Greek myth. It's a heartwarming story of an awkward and kind-hearted hero who selflessly attempts to sacrifice his own life in order to save his beloved. Right? WRONG. In the frankly brutal Greek myth, Herc goes absolutely insane and murders his wife and kids by bashing their respective heads in. (Sorry, Megara.) Don't count him too heartbroken -- he marries three more times. Oh, and did I mention that as a child, he beat his music tutor to death with the instrument he was trying to learn? Long story short: dude's got issues.
2. "The Little Mermaid" (1989)
Who doesn't love a classic story of star-crossed lovers who beat all odds and live happily ever after? People that you don't want to be friends with, that's who. "The Little Mermaid" is the classic love story of a young generation: but how does it stack up to Hans Christian Andersen's original novel? On her fifteenth birthday, The Little Mermaid (never named in the book) is allowed to swim to the surface and look at the human world. What follows is what you'd think: she sees the prince, rescues him from drowning, and falls madly in love. TLM heads to the sea witch, who strikes a (frankly terrible) deal: she gets TLM's voice, but every step TLM takes on her human legs feels like walking on knives and if the Prince didn't marry her, then the morning after his wedding she would die and turn into sea foam. Spoiler alert: he marries someone else. TLM's sisters show up to save the day with a dagger from the sea witch (seriously, why does everyone keep going to this sea witch?) and tell her that she will turn back into a mermaid and keep her life if she stabs the prince in his heart and lets his blood drip over her legs, which isn't disgusting and gruesome at all. TLM couldn't bear to harm her beloved, so she flung herself into the sea, effectively committing suicide. Ah, teen love.
3. "Cinderella" (1950)
I'm not going to lie here: the original Cinderella is an absolute savage. The poor girl's had a whole lifetime of unwarranted servitude to bottle up anger over, and in the original Italian fairytale, "Cenerentola," sister puts Tyra Banks' angry breakdown to shame. Instead of accepting their unusually large feet and letting bygones be bygones, the wicked stepsisters literally chop off their toes to try to fit into Cindy's slipper. The prince notices all the blood and declares them frauds (because, apparently, self-foot-mutilation is so common that he knows exactly what's going on). He finds Cinderella, they plan the wedding, and all seems peachy keen; but then homegirl sics her birds on the stepsisters and they peck out their eyes, blinding them. And she's not done: Savage-ella then snaps her stepmother's neck by slamming a chest lid closed on it. Look at those baby blue eyes. Those are the eyes of a cold, calculated killer.
4. "Sleeping Beauty" (1959)
Alternative title: Princess Narcolepsy and King Date-Rape. The story is familiar at the beginning: beautiful princess cursed at birth, pricks finger on a needle, falls into a coma, etc. A dashing prince even comes along, but instead of giving her true love's kiss and waking her from her deadly slumber, the $!%hole decides that it's a better idea to rape her. Yep. Imagine telling that bedtime story to your kids. While still comatose, Aurora gives birth to twins -- one of which tries to suckles on her finger and gets the splinter out (honestly, castle nurses, did you even try to get the splinter out in the first place?), awakening her. The rapist prince -- now a married King -- hears about his illegitimate children and is weirdly delighted. The King's wife makes plans to kill off Aurora and her babies, but instead, the King forces her to commit suicide by making her jump into the very cauldron of poison she'd prepared to kill her husband's mistress, and then the King and Aurora get hitched -- no dragons involved. So hashtag romantic.
