I once heard a funny line stating that much like seasons throughout the year, there are "seasons" for break-ups, "seasons" for engagements, "seasons" for new relationships, and so on and so fourth. While I'm skeptical that there are truly times of the year that these things happen more than others, I have been noticing a large number of break-ups recently... strangely and ironically, for every breakup, there're two engagements in my newsfeed to follow.
I should preface this by saying that I'm no expert on love and I don't claim to be; I've simply observed several relationships in my life — both healthy and unhealthy ones on many different levels — and I've also been in healthy and unhealthy relationships. Thankfully, my current relationship is supes healthy and I've been lucky enough to find a man who deals with my undying need to annoy someone and my unhealthy obsession with watching, at all times of the day, YouTube makeup tutorials. After having a few discussions recently with friends, it has come to my attention that perhaps there is a detail about love and relationships that a decent portion of my generation fails to understand — our fairytale isn't real. Our fairytale simply does not, and will not, exist.
I'm not a cynic, nor am I a pessimist. But relationships in general, not just romantic ones, are choices whether we know that or not. Each day, we make the decision to partake in all sorts of healthy relationships — those with our close friends, our significant others, ourselves — whether we consciously understand this or not. I had a close friend come to me recently. She's a college student who is in a healthy relationship with a person who treats her right, loves her wholeheartedly for who she is, and has seen her in her not-so-great-nor-glamourous moments. She came to me expressing (what is a very normal) curiosity for different relationships with other potential partners. She saw an attractive boy on Instagram who happened to message her, and she said what I know several of my peers, and even myself, have thought when this happens: the attention from someone who is not your committed partner can be nice and can even seem fulfilling.
No one and no relationship is perfect. Sometimes when someone else calls you beautiful or gives you a very surface compliment, it makes you feel differently, maybe even a little dangerous, then when it's from the person who you've spent a majority of your time with for the last six months to a year. I get that. However, I explained to my friend that during my junior year of college, I sort of had an epiphany about relationships. That epiphany was that my relationships were my choice. Sure, there may very well be someone halfway across the world with whom I'm more compatible with, relate to better, or even am more attracted to. I find that extremely hard to imagine considering the person I love, but it's the truth. And when we get comfortable in our relationships, it can often times feel like something isn't right... that we've gotten so comfortable that the attention from another person seems more prestigious than from the person we really love.
"Boredom" or some sense of normalcy, or even a routine, shouldn't be a sign of needing to find another partner. You aren't always going to "feel" in love. Your fairytale is simply not real, even though we've been drugged from a young age to believe that Disney movie relationships are the ideal. Relationships are hard work. They take time, commitment, energy, and a willingness to work through life's struggles with one another. But your relationship is your choice. You actively will choose every day to love who you love, whether you know that or not. And when it feels like you don't "feel" anything anymore, I challenge you to turn inward and perhaps inspect yourself first. Projection can be the biggest culprit of relationships ending — obviously, if your relationship has clear signs of being in ruin, by all means, do what you need to (and especially, ESPECIALLY if it's toxic to you or abusive in any manner). But do look inward from time to time and rather than saying, "he's not tall enough," or "I don't feel in love anymore," I challenge you to question if there is something off kilter within you.
Fill your cup first, of course. But when your partner is loving, caring, and willing to be there for you on your worst days, chances are, you might need to replenish your cup in order to be able to give love to someone else. And only you can know how to do so.
Relationships are a choice. But when they're healthy with a loving and willing partner, they are the greatest choices we will make. Our fairytale and perfect ending may not exist — in fact, they likely don't. But a happy, healthy relationship filled with joy, laughter, hardships, and triumphs make for the greatest memories of all. Love is a choice, and love is an action. Always choose love.
