Exes aren't your enemies, they're your excuse to live a better life!
Now more than ever before, relationships are becoming increasingly toxic, and people are becoming so emotionally involved that they are allowing failed relationships to overtake their lives. For anyone who's struggling with a past relationship, moving on, or finding their purpose, I have this to tell you, IT WILL GET BETTER, AND YOU WILL BE OK.
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It seems almost impossible to believe, but regardless of how poorly your ex treated you, they ultimately have made you a stronger individual. Personally, I have been in some pretty bad relationships; I've never really been able to put a lot of my trust in others due to those relationships. They all hurt, but I discovered that my life has been so much better thanks to them. Every girl that I've had the pleasure of dating has had something new to teach me about myself and about others. They all had their strengths and their shortcomings, but I have never found myself hating any of them. A few screwed me over and broke my heart, however, they never caused me to lose faith in myself or faith in the idea of love. One of my biggest pet peeves about this generation is the stigma we've attached to relationships, which says they all have to end badly. Every girlfriend I've had with the exception of one, I remained close with. Why do you ask? Whatever I initially saw in them, I still see to this day. They are all genuinely good people.
My situation may be one out of a million, but I wish more people would learn to love those whom they loved before. Believe me, I understand the struggle of trying to care about someone who's hurt you in the past! It feels like it should be almost out of the question, but those who have hurt you still have good in them. Now, please do not take this as me endorsing the idea of going back to someone who's hurt you. Being cordial and still caring about someone does have its limits. Don't let someone who takes advantage of you and your heart back into your life, but be thankful for them and what they've given you. Strength.
So often we, as a society, use previous relationships as crutches to explain why we struggle with certain insecurities. Throughout my life, I have often seen my peers use a previous relationship to prevent them from leaving their comfort zone. For example, I'll hear friends of mine say things such as, "I can't date again, my last girlfriend cheated on me so now I have trust issues" or "My ex-boyfriend constantly made wear make up; now if I don't wear it, I don't feel pretty." Granted part of that is due to your ex, a lot of it was a previous insecurity we suffered before we even started dating our exes. We need to stop giving our exes so much credit and let them know that you're better off now because they caused you to find your purpose in yourself. For those with trust issues like me, I recommend you first look at why you suffer trusting others and work on that area of your life. I discovered that a lot of my struggle came from the lack of genuine friends in my life. Not having a best friend to open up to caused me to become slow to trust and put faith in others, and having an ex-girlfriend cheat on me didn't help me any, but I did learn it's not completely her fault for why I was distrusting.
The one piece of advice I give to anyone who hates their ex is this, let go of your pain. The only way to get higher is to cut ties with what's holding you down, and this is how I see holding on to a grudge with your ex. Hating your ex is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to feel pain. It doesn't work. You are the only person who suffers the repercussions of holding on to hate. I take a lot of this into account into my own life. When I had finally put full trust into a previous girlfriend, she up and broke my heart (with good reasoning, of course), and honestly I was devastated. She was my best friend and she was one of the first people I ever allowed myself to care about without worrying about what others had to think. I wanted to do nothing more than hate her and never speak to her again, but I realized that only I would ever have to live with that pain. She would never feel what I was feeling and would never feel the same about me if I did. That's just not who I am. I was hurt, but I took the blow to my heart and grew strong.
FORGIVE those who hurt you, but NEVER FORGET. Whether it be one ex or fifty you gain a little more with each one. As you grow older, you shouldn't forget that coming of age requires us to be knocked down, but we must refuse to be knocked out. With each passing relationship, you'll find yourself believing you found "the one," but know that the guy/girl you're destined to be with is waiting for you, so you in return must wait on them. Don't let previous relationships be excuses to feel low, but rather examples of why you should be living a happy life. The best way to get over an ex is to let them know you're thankful for them and what they gave you, but you're not giving them the benefit of hating them!
