Anne: I recently heard a friend say that they wouldn’t date someone if they found out they were bisexual. Still other bisexual friends who have hugged their friends of the same sex have heard mutters, “I bet she was turned on when you two hugged,” since “coming out”. “Slut.” “Whore.”
Kenzie: As someone who is openly attracted to other girls, I am constantly told that “No offense, I’m just not into girls, okay?” when completely unprovoked. Every compliment I give a girl is taken as me hitting on or flirting with her. I have had to start every nice thing I say with “I’m not hitting on you, but--” for no good reason. It comes back to people assuming that gays and bisexuals are attracted to them just because they are of a gender that the person is attracted to. To this I ask, are straight people attracted to every person of the opposite sex?
Not to mention, when a girl hugs a guy friend, people don’t tend to call her these hurtful words or assume that every platonic hug is a turn on. So why should a bisexual person hugging their friend be any different?
So why are some people not okay with dating someone who is bisexual? Why should this matter? I’ve heard concerns of cheating, worries of not being able to compete, and flat-out disgust at the possibility that your date had kissed or had some other kind of sexual experience with someone of the same sex. To this I ask, “What’s the big deal?” If you’re worried about your date cheating on you with someone of the same gender as them, I encourage you to worry more about the fact that you don’t trust them not to cheat instead of the fact that there is the possibility of them cheating with someone of the same sex. If you’re worried with trying to compete with a man when you’re a woman or a woman when you’re a man, the problem is that you think you need to compete, the fact that you’re jealous of everyone your date looks at, every potential threat. If you’re concerned with your partner’s past, you shouldn’t be. They’re with you now. That’s all that counts.
In every instance, the issue lies not with the sexuality but with a deeper problem in the relationship: mistrust, jealousy, but never bisexuality. A big, deeper problem with this line of thinking is the notion that bisexuals are attracted to everyone they see. Because of this, many people who date them are mistrustful of them and their friends always think that they are trying to “get with” them.
Anne: Many girls that I know have a much more fluid sexuality than boys. In other words, girls tend to be more open to the possibility of dating someone of the same sex, and many girls’ sexualities change throughout their lifetime. I don’t know any bisexual boys, but I know multiple bisexual girls. There seems to be a lot more acceptable for girls in our society to share their feelings. Guys might be worried that girls won’t like them if they reveal that side of them because they’ll think it’s weird and they have more opportunities with girls anyways.
Kenzie: I myself only know a handful of bisexual boys, whereas at least half my friends that are girls are bisexual or pansexual in some capacity. Pansexual is a sexuality similar to bisexuality in which you are attracted to anyone regardless of gender. Boys, girls, and people who are neither a boy or a girl such as agender, transgender, and genderfluid people. I think as a society we are more accepting of same sex female couples than male. Additionally, most of the boys I know think that two girls together is an attractive concept. Most of the “I’d never date a bisexual” comments I hear come from girls in reference to a bisexual guy. I think this is why the amount of openly bisexual boys I know is so small, especially when you consider the fact that I’m in an LGBT club and I’m a member of the LGBT community.
In addition, bisexuality is less accepted than homosexuality in our society. The aversion towards bisexual people is called biphobia, and these days it’s even more prevalent than homophobia is. Far too many people think that bisexuality doesn’t really exist, that every bisexual is just a gay in denial, or that bisexuals are “greedy” because they like both main genders. For these reasons, many people try to force themselves to pick one “side”.
This just doesn’t seem right. It’s like deciding whether to fight for the Axis or Allied powers without any information, just the society, in this case an inhumane dictator like Hitler, in control with fear. It’s forcing yourself to decide which side of the population your soulmate will be on without even knowing who you’ll fall in love with, and maybe not even having any experience with love at all; all this because you’re afraid of what society will think of you and fitting in, or what they’ll do to you when they find out who you truly are inside. Unfortunately, bullying can also happen in the other direction.
Anne: I have a friend who was bullied for not wearing an LGBTQ+ bracelet because it was against her religion. In consequence, she is against issues of gender fluidity. People should try to remain warm neutral in this area and leave people to do what they want to do; acceptance is key. Pushing those away who aren’t accepting the cause will only make things worse.
What can we do? We can support diversity and the right for people to be open and proud with whatever sexual orientation they are. We can remind the people we care about that we know they did not choose their sexual orientation and we love them regardless of the gender they love. We can choose, no matter what our religion, to let others do their own thing, because again, it is none of our business who other people love. We can support the men we know to be open with their feelings, and the next time we hear that spat, “Slut”, when a bisexual friend hugs a friend of the same gender, we can speak up and defend them. When we experience biphobia, we can challenge it and stand up for our friends. When we hear someone say they won’t date someone just because they’re bisexual, we can ask them, why? We can call into question their jealousy, love, trust, and hatred, and if they still feel that way, we can let them know that that’s okay, but we don’t agree with it; If they truly loved someone, sexual orientation wouldn’t matter.
