Recently, I have become irked at the “my best friend left me for her boyfriend” idea and let me tell you why. Am I in a relationship? Yes, I am. Do I live with my boyfriend? Yes, I do. But did I leave my best friends for him? No, no I did not.
It breaks my heart seeing these girls genuinely think their best friends don't love them anymore because they're dating someone. I love my best friends more than anything in the world and I’m still here. Most of them have been around for years, but I love my boyfriend just as much. He is someone I have created a life with and will have a future with. Your girl friends cannot supply you with the same commodities, needs and feelings that a significant other can. Accept it.
When your best friend meets somebody who makes her happy, who treats her right, who loves her and is honest and kind to her, you are supposed to be happy for them. This is what you and her have been talking about your entire friendship: to find your prince charming and live happily ever after. But the second she finds that, you’re whining about how she left you? Did you ever think that you’re just assuming she constantly has plans with her boyfriend just because they’re dating or living together? I know my friends have made that slip up a couple of times.
I may not see my friends everyday, but that isn’t solely based on the fact of any of us being in a relationship or not. We didn’t even see each other everyday before our boyfriends came along. I talk to my friends every single day and we tell each other everything. We are all in college. Real life is here. We don’t have the same free time and schedules like we did in high school. We have real jobs, we have bills to pay, we all live in different places around town, we have family, some of us have children, we have other responsibilities. Do we hang out as much as we used to? No, we don’t. But that’s something that should be understood. When a boyfriend comes along, it does change things. There aren’t as many “girls nights” and party going. There aren’t as many text messages as before. There aren’t as many photos. I understand that completely. But what everyone who complains about this is forgetting is that you cannot sit in front of your friend and give her the ultimatum, “It’s him or me.” What kind of actual friend is that? Why can’t she have both? If not now, then when is a good time for her to date somebody according to your schedule?
I know there are some girls who have literally cut off their friends and act like a stranger when they get into a relationship and if that’s something you’ve dealt with, I’m genuinely sorry. But not every friend who starts dating someone is going to treat you like that, so try not to jump to conclusions.
When my boyfriend and I started dating, I initially felt guilty for being in a relationship because my best friend who I spent every possible moment with didn’t have me right by her side all the time anymore. But that doesn’t mean she does not have me at all. I didn't disappear into a puff of smoke. I have a life, too. I had to tell myself that I could not feel bad for doing what I wanted with my life and dating. There is nothing wrong with me having a boyfriend.
It was different at first, but she was happy for me. She knew how much I liked him and talked about him. She supported me. And guess what else? I’m not her only friend in the world. It’s not like you don’t have other people to talk to and hang out with. I was balancing 99 percent of online school, a job, moving out of my apartment, barely paying my bills, trying to see my friends and also see my boyfriend, never seeing my family and being criticized for it. Sometimes there are more situations going on in someone’s life than just the she-got-a-boyfriend-which-means-she-left-me-forever notion. I never left my house because every day and night, including weekends, I was working on hours of homework. I’m sorry, but my education means a little bit more to me than that nonsense.
And don’t even get me started on the fact that we are literally adults. This is the point in our lives where we are figuring out which direction to take our degree, which apartment or house to buy and what you’re eating for dinner tonight. We are growing up. Many people between the ages of 18-25 are engaged or already married with children.
We should be thinking about settling down and dating! We should be thinking about what we want in a partner! We should be experiencing more things in our life than just frat parties. Relationships and dating is one of them. It’s fun! There is absolutely nothing wrong with your friend for having a boyfriend. That does not mean that she no longer loves you. She did not just wake up one day and say, “OK, all the love I have in my entire heart is now switching to my boyfriend only and not my friends.” Nobody in their right mind thinks like that or does that.
I have so much love for my Phi Mu sisters and my best friends. We are always making plans to have movie nights and Friday night dinners and he is more than welcome to hang out with his friends anytime he wants. Sometimes things won’t always go as planned and you will have to reschedule every now and then. But you’re trying! The effort is there. The communication is there. The love is there.
I know it can be lonely sometimes when your best friend isn’t with you. I know you feel like you’ve been “replaced.” I have felt that way before. But, it’s not a replacement. It’s just sharing. Don’t you want your girlfriends to look like absolute queens on their wedding day while you’re standing right next to them? Don’t you want them to bring children into this world that you can play with and spoil forever? How in the heck are they supposed to do that if they just stay single forever because you’re not ready to share them? Believe me, if I could see my friends 24/7 every single day, then I would. But, I understand that we are all individuals. We all have different lives and have different things to do. Sometimes, you just have to accept reality when it’s kicking in. You will not always be the only person your best friend loves and wants to spend time with. My girlfriends know how important they are to me and they are welcome at my home anytime.
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