When I was fifteen, I knew I was a Republican. Conservatism won my heart and sparked an immediate interest in politics. I often towed the party line of a typical conservative Republican. I was supportive of gun rights, pro-life, all about indiscriminate deregulation of industry, and outraged by high taxes. I was that Republican kid in school, the lone warrior in social studies defending the righteous fight of the righteous right. This was not easy and ridicule regarding my beliefs was frequent and relentless. However, instead of crouching in defense, I fought back with logical arguments and an intellectually grounded perspective. I seldom won those political debates, purely due to the partisan imbalance in my upstate New York high school, but I often walked away with my dignity intact and with the grudging respect of my classmates and teachers. Many of my former classmates still approach me today and inquire about who I am voting for or they automatically assume I support Donald Trump. So it gets very awkward when I say this to them: I am no longer a Republican.

This past month, I officially left the Republican Party and re-registered as a Democrat. It was a surreal moment as I stood in the concrete bowels of the Broome County bureaucracy building in downtown Binghamton and signed my new voter registration form. I never imagined myself joining the party that I fought so valiantly against in my youth. I could not have predicted that less than four years after I proudly cast a ballot for Mitt Romney, I would be joining team Clinton and company. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be writing about my existential political crisis on this new interweb thingy. Then again, I could not have predicted that the Republican Party would implode and morph into a vehicle for white nationalism and fascism.

I am, of course, referring to the successful nomination of Donald J. Trump by the GOP. However, this is not yet another Trump-bashing piece. I will leave that sort of nonsense to top tier publications, such as HuffPo, and the void of creativity and innovation that they represent. Instead, I want to explain to people, in reasonable terms, why I can no longer stomach being a Republican or being causally associated with the American right.

My decision to go to college and to take my studies seriously likely caused all of this. Most accredited universities are a bastion for statism and progressive politics. Binghamton University is no exception, from the left-leaning bias in most student publications to the fact that there is an office with the terms diversity, equity, and inclusion in its official title. They are even banning tobacco on all university property next summer. Additionally, the entire Public Administration program seems singularly devoted to funneling mid-performing students who are ambiguously left-wing into government jobs. If you are a conservative who thought they had it bad in the classroom at the undergraduate level, this program will make the lefty gender studies professor you had seem like the minor leagues.

Nonetheless, my higher education did significantly influence my politics and my general attitude. Most of my coursework did not inspire enthusiasm or long-term interest until I reached my upper-level seminars at the tail end of my undergraduate studies. It was there that I learned to love all things intellectual and theoretical. I finally found myself in an environment where asking questions were not only an acceptable thing to do, but it was the basis of all activity. I learned to be curious. I learned how to be inquisitional. I learned that in order to successfully develop and defend a hypothesis, I had to expose myself to other viewpoints and perspectives in order to strengthen my own argument. It was during this time that I learned to respect difference and diversity.

At first, I used alternative perspectives in social sciences as a means to strengthen my academic work. Slowly, but surely, I began to understand why everything I believed in should be challenged. I came to terms with my white privilege instead of adamantly denying it. I seriously considered the grievances that marginalized groups held against the mainstream (white/male/hetero-normative/whatever else) society and how those grievances can be addressed. Most importantly, I learned that there is no set way for anything to be. Everything is fluid and everything can, and should, change.

The Republican Party is not about change. Gone are the days when conservatism was an interesting and compelling school of intellectual thought representing the intersection between individualism and free markets within the Republican Party. Today the GOP stands for resentment, bigotry, and jingoism. When I use such terms, I am not trying to take a swipe at people who are pro-life, support traditional marriage, or want excessive military spending, people who form the basis of their political beliefs on their own developed sense of morality.

Rather, I am taking aim at the angry people at political rallies who are willing to use the threat of violence, or those who actually use it, to enact their political agenda (see; terrorism). I am referring to the voters who think that gender and racial hierarchy are necessities, who believe that democratic principles are only relevant when it benefits them, and who want to actively use the state to disenfranchise fellow citizens in order to protect their own economic and social interests. The Republican Party has become the party of the past, the organization that is trying to preserve a heterogeneous society that in all honestly never really existed. There is no longer room for debate in America’s second-largest political party. Donald Trump has made that clear.

This is not to say that the Democratic Party is everything the GOP is not. The Democratic National Committee is the epitome of stagnant partisanship. Hillary Clinton and her staff have actively used their own power to squash in-party insurgencies. Progressive activists may stand for tolerance, but they are often some of the most intolerant people in the room. It is politics and we are imperfect humans. However, within the Democratic party and the center-left American political spectrum, there is an ongoing discussion on how to approach the future. How can society include more people? How are we going to upgrade and develop new infrastructure? How can we alleviate poverty? There are few known solutions to these problems, but at least they are being acknowledged.

I have no intention of becoming some little partisan cheerleader who constantly posts links to Hillary Clinton’s websites or who proclaims that Paul Ryan is basically the anti-Christ. I am choosing to register as a Democrat because it is in my own best interest as a voter living in New York State. The Democratic Party is the governing party and I want more influence over who governs via the primary system. Admittedly, I am much more liberal after five years of higher education. I also look better in blue.

It is disheartening to see the Republican Party in such disarray. I am also disappointed in myself for switching alliances in the name of political expediency. However, I can no longer support a party that integrated such hateful ideas into its platform. I can no longer support a party that does not distinguish between Christianity and the state while their leader vouchers for the exclusion of an entire religion from the country. I can no longer support a party that is stuck in the Cold War mindset and ignores the very real permanence of globalization in all aspects of existence. Sorry GOP, it has been real, but I am afraid it is time for me to go. Off to the dark side, it is.