The D word. Divorce. Too many of us have been there. One day you wake up and your parents decided to take the proverbial rug (or in my case, throne) out from under you. Being in college when your parents get divorced is weird. You think it will be good that you're two hours away, but you start to realize the more you try and avoid the situation, the more it draws you in. It's also a weird age, being 17-23 years old and having parents go through a divorce is hard. You still have the fresh mindset of living with them and your life as it was. You're not yet fully on your own, and you probably are more concerned about where you're going to spend your holidays now.
It breaks your heart.
Mostly because for the past 17 plus years, all you have known is your parents are married. Change sucks. It's scary, and it often brings things to light we did not want to deal with. Seeing your mom or dad go through heartbreak is tough. They should be holding you over the boyfriend/girlfriend that dumped you over text, not the other way around.
You start to see a different side of your parents.
The mom and dad you once knew will never be the same. Just like any traumatic experience in life, it changes you. You notice things your parents once were hard on you about, they don't care so much for anymore. You'll observe a few fights maybe even partake in them. You'll say things that a year ago you would've been slapped for.
You question everything you remember.
The day I discovered my parents were separating, I was driving 90 miles per hour, blasting music, hysterically crying and saying I didn't care what happened to me anymore. Obviously, I'm over that, but you realize one of your deepest fears came true. That would shock the hell out of anyone. Relationships with significant others come into question. I recall saying "I'll never love anyone" more than a few times.
You lose a bit of yourself.
I drank too much, partied every weekend, gave up on myself. I poured myself into other people's problems to avoid my own. I gained weight, lost some of my laughter and slipped into depression. It was hard to pick myself back up after having my world shattered. All of your "definites" in life were taken from you — your parents' marriage, your home, who you thought your parents were. When the dust settles, you see the remains of your life in shambles. Memories from your childhood home are simply memories now. But you also notice there's an overwhelming calm. No fighting, no screaming, tears are few and far between. You start to see your parents smile more. New beginnings are so scary, but once you become accustomed to them, they're not so bad.
My greatest piece of advice if you find yourself dealing with this or any other issue in life this can relate to, heal yourself. You can ask other people for their advice on what you should do, but they'll mostly be wrong. Only you can do what is right for you and only on your own time. You are 100 percent in control of your mind, body and actions. If you want to storm around and cry for a day, you're entitled to that. No one can tell you how to heal except yourself. Love yourself enough to know when it's time to start to put the pieces back together. Know yourself well enough to know when to ask for help, and mostly, don't let another person's actions determine how you feel about yourself. You're amazing. Keep rocking on.
