In relationships, we are often surrounded by the notion that we need to find a perfect someone that will accept our flaws without any question, and when we meet that person, we will suddenly be cured of all of our shortcomings and live happily ever after. I know that especially as a young girl, that I spent so much time looking for that perfect guy who would just accept me for who I am and somehow that would work out. But what I never considered until I was older is that a perfect guy like that doesn’t exist, and even if he did, he wouldn’t settle for anyone who wasn’t perfect like him. It didn’t occur to me that because I am flawed, that I need a guy who is flawed like myself.

I think the part that I was missing (and the part that movies often leave out) is the importance of growth in relationships. One of the best things in the world that finding someone who sees all of your faults and shortcomings and rather than just accepting them, makes you want to be better. They make you want to become the best version of yourself.

But there is a difference between someone who wants to help you grow and someone who wants to fix you. The latter will feel the need to take control of your life and push you to become someone else entirely. But someone who wants to help you grow will encourage you to make the changes that you want to make yourself. And in turn, you should be that hand of support for them as well.

If your significant other wants to get a good job out of college, make time for them to study. Don’t stay out too late when you know that they have class early in the morning, and if they say they have homework, don’t make them feel bad for needing to stay in. When you care about someone, you should want the best for them no matter what. You should be there to help them reach their goals, rather than become an obstacle in their way of achieving it.

At this age, we are all finding our place in the world and making day to day decisions that will effect the rest of our lives. Don’t make sacrifices for someone else that will effect your future in a negative way. Instead you and your significant other should do things to help each other become the best version of yourselves. That’s what a healthy relationship is all about. It isn’t about finding that perfect someone, and it isn’t about becoming a completely different person to fit someone else. It’s about finding someone who helps you reach your full potential and who makes you want to take the steps to make yourself better. When you find someone like that, someone who makes you want to reach your goals and someone who helps you get there, that’s when you’ve found your true Prince Charming. And when you and your significant other are both taking steps to become the best versions of yourselves, that’s when you’ve found your true happily ever after.