Dear loved one,

I miss you so much.

Thinking back on everything you've missed out on, like birthdays and anniversaries, breaks my heart. I know you would have loved to be there for all of our greatest accomplishments and terrible losses. You've also missed out on big milestones in my life like college acceptance letters, making the Northwestern cheer team, and graduation, Some of the most important things right now, I don't get to share with you. I still find myself clicking on your contact in my phone, trying to call you when a boy breaks my heart, or when I'm mad at someone. You still and always will be my go to.

Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I have ever done. I never thought about not having you here for every exciting moment in my life. As silly as it sounds, I always thought you were going to be here with me physically for forever. A day without coming over and eating countless numbers of pickles while talking about our day and our greatest fears in life seemed impossible. My fears at the time were probably little things like what I was going to wear for the first day of high school, or if I was going to make the cheer team. Little did I know all this time my biggest fear was losing you, my best friend. And when this fear became a reality I didn't know what to do with myself. Who was I supposed to tell my secrets to? Who was going to show me my Christmas and birthday presents weeks before I was supposed to open them? Who was going to love me unconditionally like you did? I struggled with these things for a long time after you left and in some ways I still do, but, I have found other ways to talk to you, like siting by your grave every so often or by praying. In some crazy way I know what your responses are to everything I say.

Whenever I remember all the times we had together I can't help but smile. Smile at every little inside joke we had and every precious moment we shared. Every time I would pretend to be sick just so I could spend the day with you and every time we cried together.. I will hold these memories close for forever.

I cannot express how much love I have in my heart for you. When you passed, I couldn't help but think that I should have told you it more. I should have called you more and spent more time with you. But the time I did get with you, I wouldn't trade for the world. I know that you are in a better place now, but I still wish you could be here. I love you, Nana. 604090.

Sincerely,

Your most favorite grandchild :)