Each year, nervous seniors apply to the Ivy Leagues in droves. In fact, according to CollegeVine, 43,330 people applied to Harvard alone. That's more than the entire population of Liechtenstein! It's only logical to assume that, as the prestige, reputation, and popularity of these institutions grow, the number of applicants will continue to increase.

But why should you, a 52-year-old balding man with 3 kids, care? To put it quite simply, Jerry, you're becoming more and more obsolete. Your job at a mid-size tech company in Chicago is at stake. You now have to compete with a whole new class of hyper-intelligent efficiency machines. How is your middle-aged butt going to keep up?

I'll tell you how.

Jerry, you need to get a new job. Reinvent yourself. Become a new man. Buy a red convertible that you can't afford, take out loans that you'll never be able to pay back, and cheat on your wife with a 20-year-old woman you met on a business trip. Abandon your values and your family because you can't handle the idea of competition with younger people. People more intelligent than yourself.

If you were to come to terms with this, you'd be acknowledging that you're old. And you're only getting older. Each day isn't a slow march towards death, but rather a leap. You are running towards death, and you're fooling yourself if you think you don't want it.

*Disclaimer: Please don't take this seriously, this is just a little short story. Whether or not you make it to the Ivy Leagues doesn't define your intelligence!*