Before I start this article, let me just say that I’ve been in a relationship for two years now. Honestly, it’s the best relationship I’ve been in (and I haven’t been in many) and I feel that it’ll last for a good while. But before there was my boyfriend and me, there was just me.

I am a fun person. I can charm people with my sad attempts at humor and put smiles on people’s faces when the time calls for it. I am kind, loving, and believe in giving multiple chances no matter what. I have plenty of good qualities, but I also know that I can have a nasty attitude and be unfriendly at times (stuff happens, right?). I am human, always striving to do better.

I say all of this because it took several years for me to accept this about myself – to love myself.

Self-love is very important.

As cliché as that sounds, to love your own self should be one of the primary goals of your life. I know a lot of people roll their eyes and slam down the concept of self-love; I used to also because I didn’t understand how beneficial it would be. Plenty of people spend a lot of their time looking for love and acceptance from others. Sometimes it’s given freely, sometimes it’s given at a price and sometimes it’s not given at all.

I spent a lot of my time thinking that someone else’s opinion and love for me defined me as person, which obviously isn’t true at all, but when you don’t really love yourself, you’ll take just about anything at the time. I always felt incomplete and not good enough if I wasn’t liked by everyone. I didn’t take the time to know myself so I tried to be somebody else and it blew up in my face. I’ve come a long way from that and I’ve never felt better.

Some people will get upset when someone talks about the importance of self-love, as if it’s demeaning. You can tell anyone bits and pieces about yourself, but no one should be able to tell you about your own self. Self-love is vital: for all the times someone has tried to degrade you and make you feel like garbage, for all the times someone has “accepted” you for who you are until you became someone they didn’t want you to be and even for all the times someone has thrown your past mistakes and adversities back in your face – self-love protects you from that.

No one will ever know better than you know yourself.

But I get why people get up in arms about the self-love agenda: self-love can be hard to get into when you’ve spent years not loving yourself and depending on everyone else’s affections and cares. You don’t want to face yourself because hey, maybe there are some distasteful qualities you have and that’s okay. We are only human and no one is wonderful one hundred percent of the time. Just remember that there are some good qualities about yourself too. You can accept the good and the bad of yourself and slowly change what you want to change in due time.

You are in control of your own self.

At the end of the day, there is only you.

So just love and treasure yourself.