Forgiveness is often seen as such a small word, but there is so much more to it than that. Forgiveness is often misconstrued as meaning something else; it is taken to mean forgetting the pain someone has caused you, or letting the pain happen again, reliving it. But that’s not what it means. Forgiving is not forgetting. Forgiving someone is both a selfish and selfless act. We do it for ourselves, so we can heal, so we can move past (but never forget or relive) the pain we have been through. We have to do this; we have to forgive. We have to forgive so we can allow our own hearts to heal because the anger, pain, and frustration we keep inside will do nothing more than consume us from the inside out. Let me say this another way: staying angry at someone does not affect them — it affects you. The anger finds ways to redirect itself where least desired, where least effective.
We forgive for ourselves.
If for no other reason, do it for yourself. For your mental, physical, and emotional health. Keeping pain, anger, and other negative emotions pent up truly hurts oneself either short term or long term. The pain and anger will affect you, I promise. It will present itself in your relationships, your work, and anything else. The longer one keeps the anger inside without forgiving, the worse off that person will be. Most times we do not see the damage pent up emotions have on a person, because it is inside. It changes a person, being angry for that long. Forgiveness does not mean you suddenly like the person. It means that you see what has happened, and you’ve accepted it because you know there is nothing you can do any more to change it. Forgiving makes it so that you can move on, so that you can begin to heal and live a normal life again.
We forgive for them.
Sometimes, even, we forgive for the other person. The other person could be carrying guilt, frustration, and anger just like any other person. This is most common in relationships, friendships, and all other kinds of –ships. If one person does wrong, and then they feel horrible for what they did and they’re working to repair the damage. The pain and angry could be destroying them to the point of breaking, of mental un-wellness. Obviously don’t do this until you are ready, but it is a necessary step for the recovery of everyone involved.
We forgive for us.
Lastly, we forgive for the sake of moving forward as a couple, the “us.” People make mistakes in relationships because relationships are difficult and there is no way around that. Everyone says it, and I will merely repeat it once: relationships take work. When you love someone, you love them for who and all that they are, including their mistakes. No one is infallible. They will not be the only one to make a mistake in the relationship, and it won’t be their first mistake either if you decide to be with them for a longer period of time. We are human, we screw up (sometimes really bad), but at the end of the day we are loving creatures who deserve to be forgiven for merely being human, for succumbing to the stresses around us, for breaking down when the world seems against us.
I’m human, you’re human. So forgive them.
