Hello, friends! Please pardon my hiatus. I had to take some time to do some soul searching and get the last few weeks of school out of the way. But I am back for the summer (shoutout to all my teachers! We did it!) and I'm super excited to be writing consistently again!

June will always be a special month for me because it reminds me pageant month! A lot of the state pageants in the Miss America Organization are preparing to crown a new winner and a few years ago, I was one of those hopefuls. In one of my first blog posts, I wrote about why I quit pageants. But this post is more so about what happens when you lose. What happens when the dream you worked so hard for is not what God has planned for you? What do you do when Sunday morning comes and there’s no crown on your head?

In 2015, I competed for Miss South Carolina for the third time. I spent three years dedicating myself to the Miss South Carolina Organization, which is a preliminary pageant to the Miss America Organization. During the duration of my time competing, I made over 175 appearances that included speaking engagements, parades, visiting schools, nursing homes, etc. I also traveled all over the upstate of South Carolina to promote my personal platform, all while in college, working and attempting to have a social life. I proved that I could handle the busy life of Miss South Carolina and potentially Miss America. I even took a gap year after my college graduation to focus on competing and winning Miss South Carolina. I had so many plans for Miss South Carolina. I wanted to implement programs that would not only benefit the organization, but my state as a whole. I wanted to represent my hometown and my state on the national level so badly it hurt. I worked my tail off to make sure my body was swimsuit ready (maybe not in the healthiest way but we will talk about that at a later date), made sure I practiced and perfected my talent and drilled interview questions into my head until I could tell you everything you needed to know about gay marriage, Benghazi, the 2016 primary elections and/or capitol punishment. I walked into state week with the mindset that Miss South Carolina was mine but I was the underdog. I wasn’t “the one” everyone was watching. I wanted to be the dark horse, win and do it for my family and my hometown. If I won, it wouldn't have been a win just for me, but a win for the village that raised me.

But when they called my name for 3^rd runner up, my heart sank to my toes. I failed. I didn’t win. Sure, I got a large amount of scholarship money and grad school was paid for, but who cares? They aren’t going to put “3^rd runner got received over $8,000 in scholarship money” in the headlines of my hometown newspaper. I felt numb when people came up to me and congratulated me. I kept asking myself “why are people congratulating me when I lost?” I put all of my faith in winning this pageant and I failed to question myself on what I was going to do if/when I lost. I left that experience feeling worthless and like a failure it took me months to be content with walking away and realizing that it just wasn’t for me anymore. Even when people tried to convince me to compete again and told me how well I would do, I still had to walk away from that world. If I went back to compete for a 4^th or 5^th time, it would be to prove something to someone else and that is one of the most toxic mindsets to possess.

Girls, if you're competing this year, don’t make the same mistake that I did. Go into this month with your “eyes on the prize” but also a strong focus on reality. You have a greater chance of losing than you do winning and that’s life. Like most things, you’ll be told no a lot more times than you’ll be told yes. Prepare yourself to win but be content with knowing that there’s a BIG possibly that you will not win. Don't be a sore loser. Lose graciously. Lose with dignity. Lose with your held high. It’s going to suck initially but your worth is NOT in the hands of 5 judges that do not know you or a group of people who only know a part of your story. Your faith lies in the hands of The Most High. It's a competition. You might lose you to someone you think you should have beat. You did more community service than that girl. You raised more money than so and so. That person didn't even make any appearances that year. But at the end of the day, that doesn't matter. God is writing her story just like He is writing yours and what she is doing is none of your concern. You did all of that work because of YOUR servant's heart. Service is supposed to be done with a cheerful heart, not one a competitive one. You’re a better person because of this experience. Take the lessons you learned and apply them to the life that you will have after the stage lights dim. You’re more than just a title. You’re you and that right there is enough in itself.

Good luck to all the girls competing in any pageant this summer or this year! Do your best and remember your why. Love you all and again, thanks for reading.

God Speed,

Lu