I used to think that I was a perceptive person. I thought I had a relatively good grip on how the world works, at least as good a grip as a teenager can have. Then I got to college, and realized that there are a lot of things about the world, and human nature, that I have yet to figure out. Recently, I have realized that there is a place within all of us that longs to belong, to fit in, and to become a piece of a larger picture. Then, there is another part of us that resists because, as Americans, we are raised to become independent people, who can thrive without depending on others. Maybe I am the only one who has ever experienced this conflict, but I have a feeling that I am not. Realizing that I cannot flourish on my own was the worst realization I have had so far during college.

I grew up with a caring family, and a small group of close friends, but even both of these factors cannot fully protect a young girl trying to find her way in the world. Eventually, a time came when family was not so caring and friends were not able to be there all the time. I longed to belong with my cousins and siblings, who are all guys. They let me in some days, but other days I was rejected because I was a girl. I was not allowed to participate in the games they played, or act in the plays they created.

The rejection continued when I started my seventh grade year in a small private school. My close friends had moved away. I was the only girl and the boys continually ridiculed me. I spent most days crying. This school rejection, combined with the shunning from my own male family members, resulted in a massive plummet in my self-esteem. I started to believe that I did not belong in any social group and that I needed to find my own happiness without anyone else. I had convinced myself that I was just unable to find a place I could really fit. Eventually, I changed schools, started making friends, and found athletic teams that I considered home. I thought I had moved on from the idea that I could never belong.

When I got to college I thought everything would be as wonderful as in high school. I assumed I would find clubs to join and make a group of friends. After a couple days, I realized it was not going to be that easy for me. I was overwhelmed by a whole new sea of people who could judge me just like my cousins and classmates did. I started hiding in my dorm room and rarely left, except to attend class and escape by going home on the weekends. I was under the allusion that I fit in because I made sure that I was never rejected. Only during my weakest moments, did I feel truly alone.

The truth was that trying to survive on my own was leading me into a dark ditch of depression. So, now, here I am -- a second semester sophomore, and I have finally decided to emerge from my dorm room shelter and put myself out there. It was not easy, and I am fairly certain I will still struggle with the urge to become a hermit again, but I finally started walking out into the real world of college and I know I can keep going. So here are the five things that helped me the most, and I hope that they’ll help you too, if you’re someone like me, who couldn’t seem to find their niche in college.

1. Remember that you are not the only person who feels overwhelmed.

When I started to realize that college was going to be different than high school, I thought I was the only person who had unrealistic expectations. I thought everyone else around me was adjusting and completely happy all the time. I never thought about the fact that maybe they were just as overwhelmed, but were hiding it better because they were actually making an attempt to fit in. So, next time you look around and see only the faces of people who fit in, remember that at one point they didn’t. Maybe they still don’t. Knowing you aren’t alone makes it a little easier to try and make a place of your own within college.

2. Just because you don’t know for sure what you want to do, doesn’t mean you should do nothing!

I am a really indecisive person and that normally leads to me not making any decisions about what to do with my life. Don’t be that type of person! Even if a club or a job doesn’t fulfill every expectation you have doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy it. No risk means no reward. You may end up loving what you do. You may end up hating it. Either way, you’re putting yourself out into the community and making an effort. There is never a downside to that.

3. Make friends with people who are extroverts.

I know, it’s hard to make friends with people who aren’t the same personality type as yourself. I myself am an introvert with extrovert tendencies. If I’m not comfortable around someone, I won’t make an effort to move outside my comfort zone. Having extrovert friends, people who will drag you to different events and clubs, can help you extend beyond your own comfort. It’s hard to find the motivation to leave your dorm room or your comfy corner in the coffee shop if you have friends who are comfortable doing the same thing. So, look for that friend who will push you to go to school plays, concerts, sporting events, or club meetings. It’s cliché, but sometimes opposites do attract.

4. Learn to balance your alone time with your community time.

It’s hard to go from being a dorm room hermit to being a social butterfly. They’re both pretty extreme. So instead of forcing yourself to be out in the community all the time, create some alone time. Find a quiet spot in the library to do some homework. Head back to your dorm and grab a good book to read or your laptop for some Netflix binging. If you’re the type of person who likes to be alone, it is draining to be around people all the time. So recharge your battery every once and a while. The world will still be there when you chose to enter it again.

5. Have fun!

Keep looking for a way to get involved that you love! One activity that you love is worth more than five that you hate. You don’t have to have a dozen extracurricular activities to be successful in finding your group in college. Just one club or activity can lead to a tight-knit group of friends who make your college experience so much better. So no matter what, make sure you’re enjoying yourself because that’s one of the most important things in life. You know what they say: live the life you love and love the life you live.