You do, it’s true. In fact, not only do you look good in those jeans, those jeans look good on you. That’s right, you’re totally rocking them. Those jeans go with every bit of your outfit, head to toe, and really bring out your eyes.

It’s true, those lightly bedazzled jeans look good on you. The heart pattern on the back pockets of your sleek denim slacks pull your entire look together. Kind of like how frosted tips makes Guy Fieri looks like the king of Flavortown. Not only that, but the way those sequins slyly and casually guide the wandering eye towards the slightly distressed denim, which meanders across your upper thigh and points, oh so tenderly, to that mustard stain from yesterday has never looked so damn good as it does on those jeans; which wouldn’t look nearly as good on anyone else.

The way you look in those lightly bedazzled, slightly distressed, bellbottom jeans makes my stomach tingle, my butterflies dance, and my eyes tear up to the point where I’m not quite sure whether it’s you in those jeans or something so beautiful that I can’t truly comprehend it’s beauty in this lifetime. It’s true, the fact that you took the time out of your day to accidentally dye the denim red in an intricate pattern that doesn’t repeat itself and completely covers both pant legs really speaks to your inner and exterior beauty, which is fearlessly embodied in those jeans.

You look so good in those jeans, like really, really, really, really, really good. So good in fact, that the governor, no, the president has asked me to send him a pair. Can you believe that? The president! Unfortunately, your jeans are so uniquely beautiful, and you look so damn good in those jeans, that I had to turn him down. It really is too bad, he would’ve looked good in those jeans. Not as good as you of course, but they’d probably give him the confidence to always make the right decision, since he’d be so comfortable and confident and fearless and understanding and smart and judicious and adroit and comfortable and confident. Although he couldn’t be all those things without those jeans, I’m sure he’ll do just fine in the normal, boring pants he wears now. Just, you know, keep in mind that if, at any time, you feel like making the world a better place—no matter how improbable that seems when you’re wearing those jeans, since you’re rocking them harder than Led Zeppelin in a stone garden—you can send those jeans to the president. But I can understand why you wouldn’t. I mean, you look good in those jeans.