Somewhere far away, tucked in the middle of nowhere is Shamokin, Pennsylvania. You can hop in your car and manage to be in any major city in the state, or even New York City, within a few hours. But this region appears to be an entire place of its own, as if it was frozen in time or from another dimension. The following things will make sense to those who live there, but will be confusing from the outsider's view.
1. "Pigeons" and "Faggots" are normal things to eat for dinner.
A quick reference for the foreigners: a pigeon is hamburger meat that is wrapped in cabbage and drenched in red sauce. A faggot is a combination of various organs from the pig, such as the liver and heart. For us, it's the norm. Let's not forget haluski, pierogies, and soupie either! The possibilities are endless.
2. You don't take a second glance at the Amish.
They're everywhere, from the mall to amusement parks. The only time we notice is when the horse and buggy slows down the back roads. Aside from that, they don't catch our eye; mainly we rely on them for their amazing baked goods. Homemade whoopie pies = heaven.
3. You've been to Centralia and you don't see the hype.
The posts on social media about the story behind it makes it seem so eerie. People comment and tag their friends saying "We need to go!" without realizing the fact that it's just an old highway with penises spray painted on it.
4. Mountain parties are your go-to.
We're home to one of the largest man-made mountains in the country... and we celebrate it by hiking over a mile uphill to drink cheap booze.
5. Hanging out at Dunkin' Donuts is your only option.
Unless you have a friend with a car that's willing to drive down to the strip, you're stuck in town. So you trek to Dunkin' Donuts, where you take advantage of the free WiFi and water and buy 89 cent donuts until they tell you to leave.
6. Mount Carmel Week is the equivalent of World War lll.
No matter what side you're on, this week is the highlight of everyone's fall activities. For some reason, we get an adrenaline rush throwing eggs and stealing signs made with purple and red sharpie. And we love to show it off at the game but low key might piss ourselves.
7. Ho Bud.
We certainly do have a very distinct vocabulary. You might not think you have a coal region accent, until you realize that words like "yous" and "crick" aren't recited within an hour radius. And that nobody else goes "upta Walmart."
8. You adore our lovely creek.
We all know what we actually call it. We also know that its orange pigmentation is due to sulfur pollution, but we still refuse to get anywhere near that thing. It is a lovely sight though.
9. Block parties are the highlight of your weekend.
There's always at least four to choose from. Dress to the nines to be greeted by drunk adults and the smell of potato cakes in the air. Soon you'll be old enough to not need someone to buy you a Four Loko to pour into a water bottle.
10. What about winter? The Coal Drop!
...if you have absolutely nothing else to do. Or you just happen to be walking through town and see the most interesting creatures that crawled out of their hole.
11. Having to park on a narrow street with cars on both sides.
Meanwhile praying to everything above that you don't take off your neighbor's mirror today.
12. You're counting down the days until Sno-Shack reopens.
You just can't wait to get your hands on a little mermaid with whipped cream. The line out to the street is well worth it.
13. You have no clue how you ended up here, but you wouldn't have it any other way.
Most of the time we look around and say to ourselves "What even happened?" yet we still find ourselves coming home to the comfort of the coal region. It will always welcome us with open arms.
