Have you ever wanted to help people make changes in their lives, but they just won’t respond the way you want them to? Well, maybe, you should try being a little more selfish. Here’s what I mean.
My friend, David, and I were two hard-working high school students with big aspirations. We spent all summer preparing a health campaign for our high school with a group of 18 other leaders. We had a large membership for a small school, and it seemed like people cared about making healthier lifestyle choices. But as the busy school year dragged on, more and more of our planned events got cancelled, and both membership and leadership dropped to about half. Enthusiasm diminished.
What happened? How did we start out with an excited group of seemingly committed members and then lose so much steam? Well, I’m sure there are a variety of reasons for the massive dropout, but one probable reason was that we weren’t selfish enough. In an effort to help the student body lead healthier lives, David and I recruited as many leaders as we could and tried to manage a large campaign.
The problem was that we spent so much time creating a program for other people who weren’t ready to receive our help that we couldn’t focus on helping ourselves. I struggled to find the time to cook my own meals and exercise regularly, and the remaining leaders made minimal effort to help each other keep up a healthy lifestyle. That’s not exactly the kind of behavior that anyone should look up to.
Instead, we should have focused on personal growth. When David and I found a few friends interested in adopting healthier lifestyles, we could have shared recipes with each other, gone hiking and kept each other accountable to reach our personal goals. Instead of casting a wide net to catch more members, we could have added people to our group whenever they wanted part in it. This way, we could have embarked on a journey of continuous growth and taken people along with us. We shouldn't have just told them how to go on that journey. While this new approach wouldn’t have guaranteed a larger membership, it certainly would have been more life-changing for everyone involved.
This “selfish” approach has improved the way I lead people. When I led small group discussions at my church, I used to try to get as many people to talk as possible because that’s how I thought a good discussion worked. But after many painfully awkward discussions filled with long gaps of silence, the other leaders and I realized that neither the members nor the leaders were growing from our small group discussions.
We decided to shake things up. Instead of expecting everyone to talk, we thought we would have a genuine discussion among ourselves about the sermon and let anyone who wants to stay join us. There was no obligation for anyone to participate, yet some people surprised us by asking questions in this new small group when they normally would only speak when asked. This dynamic led to much deeper and more enjoyable discussions that we could walk away from feeling like we had learned something.
If there is an area where you think you can help other people, then pursue your own growth. As leadership expert Dave Anderson puts it, “If leaders stop growing, over time people will stop following.” Don’t just tell people to get better; do the selfish thing and keep growing! Then they will admire your passion and growth. Trust me, you’ll help a lot more people that way.
