It was a terrible feeling. Like having your heart handed to you in dirty hands, like having water with no soap, religion with no hope it was a terrible feeling.

1.5 of 3 million residents of the island of Puerto Rico is without power...and poor ol' me without water as well. 'What the fucking fuck? How am I supposed to write? How am I supposed to shower? When my phone dies, how will I check my Insta feed?' I've always dreamed of skinny dipping in the ocean and I guess at this point no one would see my cocoa vagina anyway, seeing that it's pitch black EVERYWHERE!

Old San Juan is a ghost town. I just bought 3 giant bags of Lays and a few gallons of water at SuperMax to survive what feels like a natural disaster. They're saying there was an explosion at the main Power Plant in Salinas. It could be days or WEEKS without power. Jesus take the wheel.

Worse than another night alone, worse than the moon who refused to glow because he always had to leave this, was a terrible feeling. Like almost catching the train, losing your job if you were late this was a terrible feeling. A lonely city feeling, too many lights and not enough houses feeling, not enough people can touch their ceilings this, was a terrible feeling.

Day 1: Welp, I just quit my shitty restaurant job so it's not like I actually had plans. I've been booking pretty dope modeling gigs so I guess it's not that bad. Jk.. I'm totally lying. This BLOWS! I put on a pair on my favorite heels and wrapped my hair with my Ashanti headwrap did my makeup and walked out the door. I then spent about four hours laying on a bench on Calle Recinto Sur practically yelling "Woe is me." This is a safe space, no judgment. Then I went home, ate Lays, and sweat myself to sleep.

Bridges of boxes built up like playhouses this was an urban feeling, one of those “when is it our turn” feelings this was a terrible feeling. One of those "I feel left out" kind of feelings, like "my feelings had formed a circle and locked me out" kind of feelings, like "everybody else felt this but me" kind of feeling. It’s a terrible feeling to want to feel. To pour yourself out in pieces and trying to create an image that resembled mornings that weren’t filled up with words that could have been said the night before this was a terrible feeling because it meant life goes on but it does not get easier.

Day 2: "Babe, can you please come pick me up? I think I'm going to die of a heat stroke in this apartment." *Boyfriend who must be called man friend because he's separated from his wife at the moment and I can't be one of those mistress sluts although they're processing their divorce and live separately.* Babe comes, we laugh in the dark heat and plant chives with my flashlight on. Night 2 was a success.

Trying to find a place for your hand when walking down the street, looking both ways for yourself and having no one to whisper I love you to across the train platform because you sometimes pretended you were strangers but you couldn’t help but fall in love every time you saw her this, was a terrible feeling. A reminder that the sky was blue and not the color of her eyes this was a terrible feeling because despite being dead, you were still alive.

Day 3: I'm sitting in El Meson trying to charge my phone looking like Harriet Tuban and Wesley Snipes had a baby. Yea.. I didn't realize my dress was see through *eye roll* so if these Puerto Ricans have never seen 'Hershey's kisses' before they sure as hell have now. I just ran into Beena*, a former co-worker at the first job I quit in Puerto Rico (not shitty restaurant job). She's cool, we chat for about an hour then security guard walks in and announces Old San Juan finally has power! Hip hip hooray! I ran faster than Usain Bolt to get back to the crib. I got home AC was on full blast and all lights were on and poppin'. YAS! Praise be to God!

All jokes aside, the electricity being out for me was quite comical but for many others it was not. I pray for those in hospitals and in their homes who may have been on life support or needed electricity to breath. I pray for the many families who had to throw out all of their food and used their last dime to purchase groceries and can't afford to shop at this moment. Last but not least, I pray for the mom and pop business owners who lost days worth of income in this already 'slow season'. I pray they all recover. "A setback is only a setup for a comeback."

*Beena is not her real name