Somewhere in the majestic wasteland of the internet, there is a BuzzFeed video floating around discussing what would happen if women actually did think they were beautiful.

I listened to this marvelous woman and pumped my fist in affirmation to her truth, because she is right- too often women who lack confidence in their beauty are preyed upon by sweet words and charming smiles. Too often media creates this idea that men find a lack of confidence attractive as if it will help them boost their masculinity or some equivalent bull shit. Obviously, it is ridiculous to market music that suggest that a woman is beautiful BECAUSE she doesn’t recognize her beauty. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman who can look in the mirror and take pride in what she sees.

Don't get me wrong, I do not like the idea that women are somehow more attractive when they lack confidence. At all. Not even a little bit. I think feeding men this media can only serve to teach them that it is their job to validate a woman’s existence and that women should search for a man who does just that. This comes in a variety of situations though, and it is not just pop culture. Too often, women are taught that they must hide their confidence in fear that they may be seen as “proud,” “snobby,” or even “bitchy.” From a young age women are taught that they must not be too “loud,” or “bossy,” or other synonyms for confident. And yet, we are surprised when women grow up silencing their belief that they are beautiful, as if recognizing their beauty somehow damages it. We should be inspiring confidence, not shying away from it.

So here I am, obviously in favor of everything the lovely woman in the video said, but I would like to add to it. While I do not think that women should be shamed for thinking they are beautiful, I also fail to see the importance in it. Truly, that is the least of my worries. Why? Why would I dare contradict this societal mark of femininity? Because it does not matter. It fascinates me that we spend so much time teaching women and girls to recognize their beauty as if their beauty is somehow tied up in their worth. We recognize that too often women who lack confidence in their looks also lack confidence in other areas of their lives. However, rather than teaching women that their confidence should come from so much more, we teach them to believe that they are beautiful.

There are so many campaigns today circling around trying to teach women of all ages, races, shapes, and sizes to find themselves beautiful. But why? Why do we spend so much time trying to teach women that it is important that they believe they are beautiful? Especially when we also spend so much time pushing the idea that beauty is not what defines women. Women are taught that they must think they are beautiful in order to be confident while simultaneously hearing that their beauty is not where they should find confidence. They are told time after time that the boy who doesn’t think she is pretty is wrong, rather than telling her not to define herself by the opinions of men. We spend far too much time as a society trying to sell confidence in bottles, when we should be marketing true confidence. We should be teaching women to take pride in being intelligent, kind, and whomever you want to be, not only before, but instead of, teaching them to think they are pretty.