Around the Holiday season I always get the question,” Aren’t you excited to go home for the holidays?” I usually just nod or come up with some answer along the lines of “yeah I’m excited to go home and see my cat” or something like that; but in reality, I hate going back to my hometown.

Now let me set something straight, I am lucky in the sense of, I have a good family and I love them dearly, this is not why I hate going home, but that’s another reason why a lot of people don’t like going home for the holidays, but for me, it’s the city itself that I loathe.

Growing up was really difficult for me, I was picked on a lot and had some really horrible experiences in high school. I dated a lot of guys here who really affected my emotional stability for a long time. I even got into some bad things due to how depressed I was when I lived at home. Coming home for the holidays is like a reminder of all the things I had to deal with living here.

There are people in my hometown I’d rather never see again in my life. There are places here which I associate with bad memories. Even seeing my old high school sends me spiraling into an anxious and depressive void. It sucks.

So while you may love going home during Thanksgiving or Christmas, not everyone is, and that’s okay. It’s okay to not like going home. It’s okay to not feel connected to your hometown. Some of us had to deal with more things than others. So if you’re like me and don’t like going back home for the holidays, be safe and make sure your mental health it put first. We all love and care about you. Your feelings and emotions are valid.