For years, I tried my best to be the Cool Girl. You know the one: she plays video games, she hangs with the bros, she's laid back, down to earth, and totally rad. Most importantly, she's not like other girls.
I did not want to be like other girls. I didn't mind being weird, dorky, whatever, I just couldn't be like other girls. Those girls cried, overreacted, got jealous, had emotions! Above all else, they were crazy. There's nothing worse than a Crazy Girl. I knew this because I heard it from my older brother, my cousins, my dad, from TV shows, from my favorite movies, from my best friends. The Crazy Girl was not about having a good time. She was about getting into loud fights, making scenes, and ruining lives.
I took pride in not being like other girls, a Crazy Girl. A lot of girls do, and it's not hard to see why. We're told that women who express their feelings are overemotional. We're told that women who speak their voice are bitches, that women who fight for their rights are feminazis. In folklore, women who rise up in the face of oppression are called witches. In real life, they're called Crazy Girls.
I grew up trying my best to maintain the Cool Girl mentality. I listened to my guy friends talk about girls. I was cool with them talking about my female classmates like they were on display; I was desensitized to things like "She wears too much make-up", "She has an amazing ass". I laughed with them and agreed with them. I did the same when my first boyfriend would comment on how hot the girl that just walked by us was, even if it hurt to hear it. Cool Girls don't get jealous.
I was a Cool Girl. I never cared too much about anything. I was down for whatever. I repressed emotions until I couldn't recognize anything I was feeling. I was embarrassed of liking anyone or anything too much out of fear of being clingy.
Eventually, I realized that within my facade, I had lost a cool girl to The Cool Girl. I didn't know what I wanted or how to feel about things. I had trouble making decisions, because I was so used to doing what I thought other people wanted me to.
I realized that there's no shame in being like other girls. Other girls are beautiful and cool and powerful and amazing. For example, Michelle Obama. I'm lucky that my guy friends realized this too, because I can be open with them without being Crazy.
The truth is, being the Cool Girl sucks. There's a secret nobody really lets you in on, growing up as a girl: you're cool just the way you are. You don't need to pretend to like Transformers just because your guy friends do. You don't need to quiet yourself when you feel uncomfortable. You don't need to repress your feelings just to make things easier for anyone, and you're definitely not crazy for having perfectly valid emotions. All of these things are part of the human experience, and trust me--the Cool Girl is NOT human.
You don't have to be the Cool Girl. You're allowed to be honest, open, vulnerable, and sensitive. You can be you.
