Blair and I read an article recently entitled “I’m The Girl Who’d Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign” and we have some thoughts. Since there is a lot to dissect from this article we picked a few points from it to focus on.
1. “I know more female managers in the workforce than male. I know more women in business than men. I know more female students in STEM programs than male students. So what’s with all the hype?”
This is amazing and you are so blessed to be surrounded by women who have amassed such success for themselves. However, you have seemed to forgotten that your world does not include the world in its entirety. Statistically speaking, men are hired more, promoted more, and paid more than women no matter the industry. Many times the reasoning behind this is because it is assumed women will want to take time off to have children and raise a family. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mom or dad. We admire stay at home parents because a lot of the time we think their job is the hardest and they don't receive much credit for the work they do. However, It’s not up to a mother to raise a family, and it's not up to the father either. It’s up to them both as they are supposed to be a team. Also, remember ladies, it's against the law for a potential employer to ask you about the possibility of your having any children.
2. “Because it is insulting to the rest of us girls who are okay with being homemakers, wives, or stay-at-home moms. It's dividing our sisterhood, and it needs to stop.”
The feminist movement is not about division. It’s about equality. We’ll say it again: EQUALITY. Just because some women dream of becoming the CEO of a fortune 500 company does not mean in any way, shape, or form that they are bashing women who want to be stay at home mothers. Neither one of us are mothers, but Shannon, if she had a child and was in a place where she could financially afford to be a stay at home mom would consider taking the opportunity. Blair, on the other hand, has no desire to be a stay at home mother if she ever decides to have a child. It is because of feminism that we get a choice in what we do. The whole point of feminism is that women should be able to choose what they want to do. If you want to be a stay at home mom, go for it. We have zero issues with that. But looking at politics and the government, things are far from equal.
3. “All these protests and strong statements make us feel like now we HAVE to obtain a power position in our career. It's our rightful duty to our sisters. And if we do not, we are a disappointment to the gender and it makes us look weak.
Weak to the point where I feel ashamed to say to a friend 'I want to be a stay at home mom someday.' Then have them look at me like I must have been brain-washed by a man because that can be the only explanation.”
You can be both a traditionalist and a feminist. You can be the stay at home soccer mom in the nice neighborhood with the white picket fence and a dog in the yard while also supporting your “sisters” in their dream of equality and success. Feminism is the fight for EVERY woman. If someone makes you feel ashamed of your choices then for Pete’s sake woman STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. To quote one of our favorite movies (and also a brilliant first lady), “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
4. “I will have no problem taking my future husband’s last name, and following his lead.”
If this is what works for you great! We plan on taking our future spouse's last names as well, but it’s nice not having to. If I want to stay a Kerns or Blair wants to stay a Gruendl, for whatever reason, then that’s our prerogative and should have no impact on your name change or lack thereof in the slightest. If you want to follow a man’s “lead,” again, you do you. But it seems to us that if you’re going to be the one taking care of house and home, you’re running the shots because your husband will be out working to bring home the bacon so he won’t be around to tell you what activities to take the kids to or what meals to prepare. Just because someone supports feminism and holds a feminist protest sign doesn't mean they don't want to raise a family either. Once again, because we cannot stress this enough, feminism doesn't negate being a stay at home mom.
5. “The Bible appoints men to be the head of a family, and for wives to submit to their husbands.”
First, we would like to point out that we loathe the word “submit.” We personally wouldn’t submit to anyone because the term alone makes us feel like we’re a piece of property; someone to be controlled by another. We have our own minds and don’t need to be pointed in the right direction by a man or another woman. Second, why are you trying to bring religion into a discussion of feminism? The two have no business being intertwined. Not everyone believes in the same God or God at all for that matter. You should be able to decide whether or not you want to be a feminist based on societal or cultural circumstances. Third, the Bible also talks about stoning. You know, a form of capital punishment where a group of people throws stones at a person until they die. We don’t do this. It wasn’t until the New Testament that Jesus stated: “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.” Just remember that at some point, long before this was said, people were stoning people. The Bible is not a history book. It is a motif for a belief that people use to help guide them through life but it’s 2018, don’t you think it’s time we leave the idea that wives should submit to their husbands in the past?
6. “I’m sensitive, I cry during horror movies, I’m afraid of basements and dark rooms.”
What’s your point? Everyone cries at different things. Shannon is one of the most emotional people, probably ever, and it takes way less than a horror movie to make her cry. But you know what, despite her tears, she’s also strong. Sometimes the fact that she cries is what makes her strong. She cries because not everyone has been blessed with the same opportunities as she has based on uncontrollable circumstances. Crying is not a weakness. Men cry too. But the problem is that without feminism and the fight for equality it is believed that a man who cries is weak. Do you want your husband to feel or believe that he is weak? Your own belief that a man is appointed to be strong enough to do things such as watch a horror movie invalidates a man’s feelings. You’re implying that a man who doesn't like to watch horror movies is weak and that is not okay.
7. “And I’ll support you in your endeavors and climb to the top of the corporate ladder. It doesn’t matter what side you are on as long as we support each other, because we all need some girl power.”
You’re right, we all should be supported in our endeavors and we all need a little girl power. That division of sisterhood you mentioned earlier? Feminists are not the one causing it. Women like you are. You just spent the entirety of your article up to this point bashing the opposing side. So get a grip and actually start supporting the women and men who have a different life goal than yourself and understand that you don’t have to choose between a picket sign and a picket fence.
“A huge part of being a feminist is giving other women the freedom to make choices you might not necessarily make for yourself” - Lena Dunham
This article was co-written by Blair Gruendl
