If you are anything like me, some of the hardest parts of interpersonal relationships are finding the right words in the moment and confrontation. This leads me to either just surrendering to others because I don’t want to stand up for my options and needs, or it leads me to say things that I know I’ll regret an hour from now once I’ve been able to collect my thoughts and emotions.
This can make it hard to have relationships with others because it either leads to you not standing up for yourself causing resentment of others, or you end up saying hurtful things, making irrational snap decisions, or sending contradicting messages since you can’t even interpret your emotions and thoughts let alone come up with the right words to express them
Since I have started writing for the Odyssey along with starting a journal what I have discovered is that sitting down with my thoughts and writing them all out allows me to organize my thoughts, realize what it is that I want in that situation, and formulate a neutral or less offensive response. If I’m ever in a situation where I can’t come up with the right words or feelings, feel my emotions are playing too big of a role, or that I’m holding back something to avoid confrontation I will simply state that I have a lot of things to process and would appreciate a moment to myself to process. Taking a moment and excusing yourself is also beneficial as it gives you a few moments to step back, collect yourself, and let the initial emotions and judgments settle away from the charged environment and before any snap decisions are made.
By removing yourself and collecting the tornado of thoughts swirling in your head on paper, you now visually can organize your thoughts and feelings. This should make it easier come up with a general idea of what you want to say and how to say it which can increase your confidence and makes it easier to go back to the person and be confrontational, which is the most anxiety-provoking part if you ask me. But if you still are not confident enough to get the ball rolling face to face you now have the framework for a letter explaining your thoughts and feelings.
Personally, it seems less passive aggressive to take the time and do a hand-written letter. Don’t text if you use the writing method as it can seem impersonal and an attack on the person. Begin by explaining that sometimes coming up with the right words is hard for you in the moment so you’ve written a letter and that it's easier for you to collect your judgments about the situation. You can not handle the whole situation through letters. It purpose is to start a conversation in a slightly less intimidating fashion and if it’s a person you usually struggle to stand up to, it away for you to clearly communicate what is on you mind. Once they have read what you initially have to say the rest should converse over face to face.
If you struggle to shout it out, hopefully by writing it out you’ll slowly be able to recognize your needs and wants in the initial moment and boost your confidence of confronting people the right away. Don’t ever forget the power that a pencil and piece of paper can hold if placed in the right hands.
