So, this idea of "checking in" came to me as I was laying in bed, hitting the snooze button more times than I want to admit. It's already March, already 1/6^th of the way through 2019 and I hope you are all still burning with the passion of the New Year, your goals ever before you, and Hope never meaningless.

I was feeling kind of "Bleh" and I just didn't know why. All of February was amazing for me; consistently working out, eating healthy-ish, getting my school work done, feeling competent in my abilities. Nothing from the outside had gone "wrong" so it must be an internal struggle.

I realized that this is exactly how I'm supposed to feel now. We are in the middle of the journey. I thought about all the trilogy series and realized that, I'm beginning the second book, the next phase, a new leaf. I'm past the joy of the beginning and here I am, beginning the middle phase, the working phase.

I thought about some of the series I have read/watched and the middle book or movie is definitely not the most memorable in comparison to the bookends but this is where the substance of the series arises. We are in the thick of it all now, making or breaking our story line with our actions now. Even though this part of the story may be plot development, it usually contains some of my favorite scenes of the series. This idea that I was in this phase rejuvenated me and made me realize that some of the best parts may be just a page turn away.

Sometimes these feelings of hopelessness can overwhelm and take us under, there is always a light, if we just open our eyes.

Hope is never feckless, hope is always feckless. We are all going to one day not exist and every thought we have had will essentially be pointless. This way of thinking is so severe, so far right, that it is almost synonymous with left, with absolute meaning. With all hope pretty much being worthless, it makes all hope, no matter how "pointless," essential.

I'm not claiming to understand the meaning of life, but I have a pretty good hunch, Fake it till you make it. Fake the enthusiasm, fake the confidence, fake the courage, fake the hope, because in doing these things you become them.

I have hope that this next chapter will be full of growth and bliss in ways we cannot even fathom.