The wisest, most loving, and well-rounded individuals are likely those who have known misery, defeat, and the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, yet have found their way out of the depths of their own despair and darkness. These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, love, and humility. People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of time.

In many cases, these people are lost, unaware of their own brilliance, blind to the fact that their struggles have strengthened them and given them an upper hand in this crazy world. Truth be told, when hard times hit, and the challenges you face are great, you can either let your situation define you, destroy you or strengthen you. The choice is yours to make. I want to remember these easily forgotten truths that will help you choose wisely and grow stronger even through the hardest of times:

1. Pain will help you grow.

2. Your attitude is part of the problem.

It’s OK to have down days and tough times. Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is like expecting to not crash when learning how to ride a bike. However, when you recognize that falling is part of learning, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs. Life isn’t perfect, but it sure is good. Our goal shouldn’t be to create a perfect life, but to live an imperfect life in extreme amazement. To get up every morning and take a good look around in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is extraordinary. Do not let the pain of a situation make you hopeless. Do not let negativity define you or bitterness steal your sweetness. Even though others may try and take this beauty away, take pride in the fact that you still know the world to be a beautiful place. If you agree to see beauty even in the darkest of places than your reality will change. Your attitude is radically powerful, so don’t let it make your days any less, belief and acceptance in that, will provide for beautiful adventurous days.

3. Your biggest fears aren’t as scary as you think.

When times are hard, it can be difficult to follow your heart and take another step, but it’s a tragedy to let the lies of fear stop you. Although fear can be overwhelming, and defeats more people than any other force in the world, it’s not as powerful as it seems. Fear is only as deep as you let it be. You are always in control. So don’t be afraid to take control!

The key is to acknowledge your fear and directly address it, have courage to overcome fear because if you don’t, if your fear overcomes you, then your fears will win and then you never truly faced the opponent. Be courageous! Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid; courage means you don’t let fear stop you from moving forward with your life.

4. You grow through experience.

Experience is the most valuable commodity you own—it builds your strength. Experiences occur when life throws you curve balls. You have the power to turn your wounds and stresses into wisdom; you, however have to do something about them. You have to accept what has happened and use what you’ve learned to grow. Everything you’ve been dealt has given you the ability to deal with everything you have yet to experience.

Over time, you will find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than you thought it was going to be; it’s just that the easy and the hard aren’t exactly the way you had anticipated, and don’t always occur when you expect them to. These experiences are what make life interesting. When you stop expecting things to be a certain way, you can appreciate them for what they are. See the growth in everything and you can be set free.

5. You can’t change situations.

Sigmund Freud once said, “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.” Don’t let this be you. When you blame others for your difficulties, you deny responsibility—you surrender power over that part of your life.

The price of happiness is responsibility. As soon as you stop making everyone and everything else responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll be. You are the only one responsible for your destiny.

Ultimately, your happiness depends on your self-reliance—your unwavering willingness to take responsibility for your life, regardless of who had a hand in your current situations. It’s about taking control of your present circumstances, thinking for yourself, and making a decision to choose differently; it’s about being the hero of your life, not the victim.

6. Live in the Moment.

Life is not lived in some distant, imagined land of perfection. It is lived here and now, with the reality that things are what they are. Yes, by all means you can work toward an idealized tomorrow or goals for the future, but you always have to live in the moment.

Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on past experiences, that it is not where we should be or want to be. But the truth is, where you are now is exactly where you need to be to get to the future so be grateful for your current destination.

This life and the people in it are too beautiful to ignore. Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be alive. Take a look around; with your eyes set on the possibilities before you. Much of what you fear does not exist yet much of what you love is close-by. Happiness is a mindset that can only be enjoyed in the present. Young people believe their future will hold their best memories while elder people feel they have lived their happiness, if you live like this, you will let the past and future rob you of your present.

7. Gratitude is always present.

Life is better when you’re smiling. Being positive in a negative situation is not naive; it’s a sign of leadership and strength. You’re living right when you have so much pain and suffering but you choose to bask in the glory.

What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you were grateful for? Think of all the beauty that remains around you. Be thankful for all the small things in your life, because when you put them all together, you will see just how large they are, it’s not happiness that makes us thankful, but thankfulness that makes us happy.

8. Great things take patience and time.

Instant results are rarely the best results. If your desires were always fulfilled immediately, you would have nothing to look forward to. You would miss out on the joys of anticipation, progress, and growth. Patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to stay positive while working towards your goals. It’s the belief that the way you move a mountain is by moving one stone at a time; every stone you move, no matter how small, is progress. You deserve more than mere enjoyment. Values that arrive in an instant often disappear in an instant.

9. Other people cannot validate you.

When we’re struggling to achieve something important, we look towards others to validate us, but they simply can’t.

You are not put into this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. You have the power of choice, so create your own unique path. Success is not one definition but a cultivation of numerous definitions. We all have our own expectations of happiness. You don’t have to be famous to be important, you don’t have to be wealthy to be a success, and you don’t need anyone else to lift you up. You are already valuable. You just need to believe in yourself and your goals. Just because people don’t fall at your feet and worship you, doesn’t mean you are a failure. Quiet success is just as sweet as loud, flamboyant success, and usually far more real and powerful. Success is how you picture it, not what everyone else pictures it must be for you.

10. You are never alone.

In the midst of hard times, it’s easy to look around and see a room of people whose lives are perfect but they’re not. We’re all struggling in our own way. And if we could just be brave enough to open up about it, and talk to each other, we’d realize that we are not alone in feeling lost and abandoned. The truth is many of us are fighting the exact battle alongside you. Together we can overcome anything. So put your feelings aside. There is nothing to be embarrassed or feel pathetic about asking for help because I bet you there are other individuals experiencing the same emotions. When you say, “I am alone,” you are letting fear define you. Asking for help may not come naturally, but don’t feel like you can never ask.

If you’re feeling alone right now, listen to me: I often feel and think and struggle much like you do. We are both human. I share many of your passions but in my own way. I may not always understand but that doesn’t mean I am never not hear to listen. You are never alone!

11. You will survive.

You will face challenges, and it will take time to overcome them. It will also take strength to overcome them, but you can and you will. Life is a challenge, and anyone who tells you differently is lying to you. Life is difficult because it teaches you to build invaluable strength. Strength that makes you successful in the deepest and meaningful ways. It is because of this that we can make life great. Through difficulties, we are able to rise up and overcome the obstacles. When we live to the fullest, we are able to make immeasurable differences. So don’t forget this.

When times are tough, be an even greater fighter. Don't ask for an easier life—ask for the strength to overcome and endure difficulties. When you feel alone, ask for help, because you are never alone.

So go out and live life courageously, don't ever let fear define you, and don't let your problems overwhelm you. We are all going through challenges, but it is how we deal with difficulties that will define us.