I know you. I have known you for years and I have enjoyed every moment of knowing you.
I have known you in failure, betrayal but most importantly -- heartbreak. I knew you for someone you once were and became the sweetest and purest of friends with your soul. I watched your heart break by a girl who did not love you and only filled your heart with a pure toxin. I watched your big heart get smashed into pieces, I watched you kneel to pick them up. I remember helping you pick up the pieces watching you bleed as each piece pierced your skin. I watched the pain grow in your eyes and in your heart but I also watched God hold you and lift you up and empower you into someone so amazing – I watched you strive through something and blossom from a boy to a man.
Admitting you have feelings for someone is one of the most vulnerable things you can do but it is one of the most beautiful things you can do because in that moment, you are exposed to someone and one of two things will come of this:
1. You will get what you want and get your Happily Ever After or
2. God will show you what you want is not always what you need.
In my situation, God was showing me the difference between the wants of my heart and the needs from my Lord.
It took me a minimum of two weeks to fall for everything you stood for and I don't regret a single second of it. Throughout the short process, I saw a side of you I had never seen for my own eyes and it was amazing, it was breathtakingly beautiful. Every text that lit my phone up, made me jump with joy and filled my heart with some kind of emotion. Even down to the last text where you thought we were rushing, brought an emotion to my heart. You couldn't grasp the idea of someone wanting you and loving you the way you deserved. The thought of that (in which I could give) baffled you and that baffled me.
Losing you was a huge heartache but a huge eye opener – I was so broken over losing something that was not even mine. What a beautiful fool I was to think it could be that easy.
I am okay, I am strong. I will get over this and I will be okay.
I do not regret a single second of any minute I spent devoted to you.
I admire you for all you are and all you do – I look up to you for ending something that I could have never ended because I thought with my heart vs my head.
I admire your strength, your confidence, your beauty, your courage, your will power, your devotion. Watching you grow from a boy to a man through Christ was the biggest blessing to hit my heart. I wish nothing but the best for you.
Yesterday I fell asleep crying but today I woke up and chose to smile – I am the sun.
