Last year, I wrote an article about how if you're suffering from anxiety and/or depression, you're not alone. As the days have been getting darker earlier, I thought that I would go into more depth about this topic.
I'll be the first to admit it. I'll be completely honest here. I suffer from extreme anxiety. I take medication every night. I've had it for so long; I've learned how to control my anxiety. I can make myself seem like I'm fine, and in total control of myself, when inside, I want to cry and just be by myself. Here are just some of the things that give me anxiety:
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- Going to big parties
- Tests (I have test anxiety, and so therefore, no matter how much I study, there's always the possibility of me forgetting everything as soon as I start the test).
- Public speaking
- Relationships
I'm going to talk a little bit about how relationships give me anxiety. I tend to overthink everything. I'm always afraid that I said the wrong thing, especially to those that I'm romantically involved with. If I don't get a text back shortly after I sent it, I panic a little inside. The thing is, is that this makes no sense, but in my mind, I can come up with 100 reasons why they might not be wanting to talk to me. I would constantly tell myself, "Tati... stop overthinking everything."
\My friends and family would tell me the same thing. Of course, that's easier said than done.
But what I have learned is, is that there is no logic behind why someone has anxiety or depression. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain. And what I want you all to understand, is that having anxiety and/or depression is NOTHING to be ashamed about. Admitting to yourself "I need to get help" is huge. It is a huge step in the right direction. And needing help is not a sign of weakness. In my opinion, it is a sign of strength.
Last year, I was extremely depressed. There was no rhyme or reason as to why I was so depressed, I just was. I had no motivation to do anything. I isolated myself. I pushed people away. I gained weight. I was in a very dark place. It took me a very long time to realize and admit to myself that I needed help. I made appointments with a therapist, started working out, and slowly started reaching out to those I cared about most. Slowly but surely, I started to heal.
Mental illness is just that--an illness. What I want you all to understand is that you're not alone, and that having anxiety, depression, or any form of mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. Seek treatment, talk to those who care about you (there are more than you think), and see the beauty in everyday life. And remember that you are an amazing person, who has so much to offer the world. Don't go through this by yourself; it is okay to need help. You are not alone.
Please, reach out to me if you need someone to talk to. I am here to support and to listen.
xoxo, T
