I debated heavily whether or not I had the courage to write this article. I have juggled with this subject ever since I became a writer for the Odyssey, and could never find the right time to tackle it. It's hard to find the "right time" to delve into the darkest parts of your life and shed light on them. While this would've been a perfect topic for Suicide Awareness Month just last month, I'm kind of glad I wasn't ready to write about it then. Suicide shouldn't just be talked about in September, it should constantly be a topic of discussion. Mental health is so important, and raising awareness for mental health issues in general has become such a big part of my life. Part of awareness is sharing stories, so I'm sharing mine.

My senior year of high school was one of the worst years of my life. My bulimia was getting worse by the day, I was terrified to graduate and lose my friends, my abusive (now ex-) boyfriend was completely taking hold of my life, and my family seemed to be falling apart. For the majority of that year, I contemplated suicide every day. I dreamt up ways I could end it all; I wrote goodbye notes to family and friends, and stayed in bed most of the time trying to work up the "courage" to die. I was a ticking time bomb.

I wish I could say this all passed once I graduated, that eventually I got better and "snapped out of" being suicidal. That never really happened. It took many months of therapy, anti-depressants, journaling my darkest thoughts, and reaching out to people for help to even get slightly better. And even then I couldn't completely get rid of those suicidal thoughts. They just started coming in waves and those waves eventually got further and further apart, and now I can happily say that most of the time I do not want to kill myself.

I say most of the time because sometimes I do still struggle. Lately, my depression has been in full force, and it takes everything in me not to drift back to those dark thoughts. It takes work. It takes socializing and eating right and forcing myself to laugh and writing articles like this. To those of you who think being suicidal is just a phase, I can tell you that I have to fight every day--three years after these thoughts began--to want to live. It is not a phase, it is a battle. I am not weak. I am a warrior.

The reason I write this article is to let all of you know you are not alone. Even when it is not Suicide Awareness Month, everyone should be aware of how much work it takes a depressed person to be happy. So many people in this country struggle with depression. No one should feel like they have to hide behind a smile all the time. I've been there. You probably know someone who has been there. Millions of Americans have been there. If you are still struggling, please reach out to someone to find help. You are not alone, and you shouldn't have to feel like you are.

One of my sorority sisters wrote me a note during our Fall Retreat (it's a tradition that we write cute little love notes at retreats). One particular line from that note will always stick in my head, and will forever motivate me to keep getting better. It said, "you are deserving of the life you want." I wish I could write a note to everyone on this planet saying the same thing. You are deserving. You are worth it. You can beat your depression. You are worth more than death. So if you know someone who is struggling, direct them to this article and let them know that they are never alone

The key to promoting mental health is raising awareness. We can't stop suicide if we don't make it known that the battle needs to be fought. Every individual can make a difference. One individual wrote me that note. One individual's love can change someone's life. Tell someone today that you love them and they are deserving. I promise it will make an impact and it may just save someone's life.