A concept that has never really been easy for me is beauty. I have struggled for most of my life to feel beautiful in my own skin. It was easy for me to see beauty in other people or in the things around me, but when it came to my own face and body I could find no positive attributes to call beautiful. Beauty was something other people had, not me.
I used to force myself to wear makeup to school every day. I would cry and refuse to go if I couldn’t put it on. I even wore it to band camp, in the 90 degree heat, which was gross, I know. I thought I was ugly, and I felt like I would offend people if I did not cover up my acne-ridden face.
It took years to gain the courage to finally show my actual face to anyone besides close family and friends. It was only when I got to college, and I lost the time (and the motivation) to paint my face every day that I finally started to go without it. I was still paranoid that I would be judged daily for not wearing it. I felt awful without it, and I referred to the days that I did not wear it as “ugly days.” I envied other girls who looked and felt beautiful with their natural faces.
It took me even longer to realize that absolutely no one cared that I was not wearing makeup. My friends did not leave, my mother did not hate me and no one screamed in fear when I entered the room. Long story short, the world did not end when I did not wear makeup. However, I still felt vulnerable and awkward without it. I needed to seriously rethink how I felt about myself.
I slowly started to see the beauty in my own face. I didn’t need a large pile of foundations and concealers to feel comfortable walking out of my room anymore. That does not mean that I don’t wear makeup anymore, I just don’t need to wear it to see myself as beautiful. I realized that I had been covering myself up to hide, and I didn’t need to do that anymore. When I started to find the beauty in myself, I started to feel like I was doing something wrong. I felt like I was being cocky because I felt beautiful, and that should not have been the way that I felt. Feeling beautiful and confident should not make you feel like you are being arrogant or conceited.
Beauty should not be a concept that is limited to models in magazines or makeup artists' “after” photos. Beauty is not something you buy at Ulta, it is something you have built in you from the moment you are born until the moment you die. Beauty is in you, it’s in everyone and it’s in me. Beauty is inside and outside. Beauty can be found in anything.
So why do people feel bad for feeling beautiful? Why should anyone be restricted from finding the beauty in themselves? Why are you not allowed to find yourself beautiful? Why should you be limited to only finding beauty in other things or other people?
That’s right, you shouldn’t. Everyone is beautiful in their own special way. Whether it’s the way that your hair curls in just the right way, the way you smile, the way you make others laugh or even the way you act around others, beauty is a part of you. Beauty is everywhere, and you should be able to express that in the way that you want.
Personally, it took me a long time to realize that I was beautiful, and that’s okay. I only hope that everyone else can start to see the beauty in themselves.
(P.S. Please leave in the comments something that makes you feel beautiful, or something about yourself that you find beautiful.)
