I am not cis.

I'm not trans either.

Let me explain. "Cis" is a shortening of the term "cisgender", which is an adjective describing someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth. Similarly, "trans" is a shortening of "transgender", which is an adjective describing a person who does not identify as the gender they were assigned at birth. Lately, these two terms have been presented as two sides of a coin. if you aren't one, then you must be the other. This bothers me, and sounds awfully familiar. What could it be reminding me of?

Oh, right. That old friend, the gender binary. I mean, if you aren't a man, then you must be a woman, right? And vice versa...right? Wrong. It's not exactly a nationwide phenomenon, but more and more people are accepting that not everybody fits into the categories of "man" or "woman". There's a lot more variation in the world than that.

Why can we admit that this binary is wrong and limiting, and then immediately shuffle ourselves into a new type of gender binary? Haven't we learned by now?

Like I said, I'm not cis. When I was born, the doctor presiding over my birth and my parents agreed that I was a girl. Except, I'm not a girl. I'm nonbinary, meaning simply that I don't identify as either a girl or a boy. This means I'm trans though, right? Not exactly.

Trans is an identity term. This means that it's something that people have to choose to assign to themselves. At least, that's the goal. So, assigning the label of trans to all people who aren't cis is really rude, to put it lightly.

[And yes, cis is also an identity term. However, a lot of the people who get upset about being labelled as cis are people who do identify as the gender they were assigned at birth, and simply insist that they are "normal". Cis as a term is meant to normalize trans and non-cis identities. Saying that you "aren't cis, just normal" doesn't fit into the same realm of being forcibly assigned a gender descriptor that you don't agree with, sorry.]

Why would someone who isn't cis choose not to identify as trans? Why is it even an issue? Well, I can only speak for myself, and speak I shall. I don't identify as trans because to me, trans has always carried a connotation of changing or shifting gender in some way. Again, I say that this is a connotation it carries for me, not for everyone! I have never personally considered my gender to be changing or shifting, so the label trans has never felt like it really fits me. It's not a label I really would use to describe myself, usually.

Unfortunately, I sometimes don't get the choice. I (luckily) spend a lot of time in communities where I talk about gender, sexuality, and identities. In these communities, I've often felt pigeonholed into identifying as trans in order to have my voice heard about anything related to gender. It feels like in order to be considered valid in discussions of my nonbinary identity, I also need to identify as transgender.

While this succeeded in making me feel uncomfortable and occasionally even unsafe, I am already sure of my identity as a nonbinary person. This sort of thing is even more harmful for those of us who are questioning our gender identity. Just like people don't deserve to be told that if they aren't a boy then they must be a girl (or vice versa), they also don't deserve to be told that if they aren't cis then they must be trans (or vice versa). They deserve to know what kind of labels are available, and they deserve the opportunity to make their own choices.

Stop telling people what they are or aren't. Just give them the resources to decide for themselves.