Yes, I work in retail.

Yes, I want to help you find what you need.

No, you breaking your item in no way reflects my work.

No, you cannot get that returned to your card.

No, I do not want to deal with you or your mouth today.

It's no joke; working in retail is not an "easy" job, especially when it comes to customer service. People just assume that retail is just some walk in the park and easy money. Sure, it's easy money and you're in the air conditioning on a hot summer day, but it is one of the most difficult jobs to control your temper in.

When you first get hired at that store in the mall, you're not thinking about what kind of customers you'll have to serve or clean up after; all you're thinking about is how exciting your new job is. You're learning how to use the register you will soon come to hate and you're learning how to engage with customers which you will soon dread being forced to do. Why? Because retail customers are the bane of your existence.

If you're the kind of customer that walks in one entrance and out the other simply because it is closer to your car than the actual mall entrance, we hate you. You're messing up our conversion and store goals. Also, that attitude of yours when we greet you could be improved.

If you're the kind of customer that walks in, wanders around, and then leaves, we probably hate you. Sure, you can be polite and nice, but you're messing up the store goals that reflect how the employees are doing when it comes to our sales. Therefore, you are making us look bad to our companies and we do not like you.

If you're the kind of customer that literally needs us to show you to every single item you need and help you decide what you should get, we hate you. Although you are purchasing items and you have an idea of what you need, you really don't need us to babysit you while you shop. You shop in here often so you should know where those items are and if you haven't shopped with us, my directions should have been easy enough to follow. There is no reason for you to be forcing me to follow you around; it is unnecessary and I have a job to do that does not revolve around you.

If you're the kind of customer that does not sign up with our rewards program, we definitely hate you. What many of you do not realize is that the amount of people that sign up for our rewards program reflects our performance in helping the company. Therefore, when you do not sign up, our performance is considered mediocre or not good simply because you couldn't just give us your phone number or email address. We could be exceptional employees, but to corporate we are looked at as incompetent of ensuring we have returning customers. So thank you for that; this is why we really do not like you as a customer.

If you're the kind of customer that tries to return something past the return period and get annoyed when you have to get store credit, we probably hate you. Your attitude will not make us call over our manager and have them tell you the same thing we are telling you. "You cannot get that returned to your card because you are trying to return it past the 30 days." Could we be any more clearer? Can you stop explaining it to us as though we are too stupid to understand? Because the only person who is looking stupid at this cash register is you and the line of customers behind you would probably agree too. So don't make a scene and take the store credit; you've shopped here once so you can do it again.

If you're the kind of customer that leaves your clothing and mess in the dressing room after you're done using it, we do not like you. The courteous thing to do when you have unwanted clothes is to give it back to the associate who let you into the fitting room. Leaving it in the fitting room or sticking it on some random rack on the floor is not ideal and makes our job harder than it has to be. So please, be a decent person and make sure you take your mess with you and not leave it where it does not belong.

If you're the kind of customer that breaks an item and tries to hide it rather than inform an associate, we probably hate you. Nothing is more annoying than cleaning the store and organizing the merchandise just to find that someone had broken an item and tried to hide it where it does not belong. We will not yell at you and we will not make you pay for it if it's a small item. Just inform us about what was broken because at the end of the day, we have to record what was broken and cannot be sold when we report back to corporate. If we do not know what is broken, it makes our job even more difficult when another customer tries to negotiate the price of an item because it was "broken" and that's "our fault."

If you're the kind of customer that tries to do what was just stated above, we definitely hate you. We do not purposefully put out broken items just to see if people will buy them. Therefore, it is not our fault that you picked up the broken item and we will not give you a discount because you can easily just pick up another one thats not broken or torn. Just save us both the trouble and let us know that it's broken; you can probably find it online, it's not the end of the world and we will not lose money for something that is DEFINITELY NOT our fault.

If you're the kind of customer who tries to tell us that you found something in clearance that is not on clearance, we must definitely hate you. You are the epitome of the worst customer. If it does not have a red sticker, it is not on clearance. If there is only one in clearance and more in a full-price area, then it is not on clearance. No, it is not our mistake that it was placed there; it was probably the other customer that we hate that can't put things back where they find them. Nice try though.

Now, I am in no way saying that retail workers hate every customer. When we get a customer that respects our store and the employees by making our job less stressful, it is the most satisfying and uplifting experience. We will go home and rant about the awful customers we had to our families and we will also talk so highly of the customers that were just exceptionally helpful.

Working in retail is not easy or stress-free. It is one of the most stressful jobs you will ever agree to working, but it can also have it's rewarding moments. Just remember our customer service experience is extensive and we have had to deal with so much. So please, make our jobs a little easier and try not to be the customer that sales associates hate.

Thank you. (END RANT)