If there is one thing that, as a Christian, I have no toleration for, it's false teaching. And it is astounding to see that so many Christians have their own views on topics that are so fundamentally concrete in the bible, it’s like not knowing the ABC’s. Of course, there are plenty of passages in the bible that are not as easy to understand as others, and I have no problem discussing what the true intent of the author might have been. But it is extremely discouraging when I have a discussion with another Christian about topics that there should be no disagreement about. I believe that one of the most prominent false belief and teachings that Christians face today is the idea that sex is OK outside of marriage.
Don’t think that I am excused from having to deal with this problem. My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 3 ½ years, I totally get and understand the struggle of waiting. We also have dealt with nearly every excuse to not save sex for marriage. We have been dating so long, the waiting is hurting the relationship, we want to grow closer together, we love each other very much, and we have hopes to get married someday anyways.
Fortunately by sticking to the bible’s opinion rather than our own, we have still been able to save the experience. Unfortunately, many Christians would rather take their own advice than scripture’s. And so I have listed four verses from the bible to remind and encourage that it is not OK to have sexual relations before marriage.
1. Matthew 5:27-28 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Jesus is speaking his famous Sermon on the Mount, and his main purpose is to let the audience know how impossible it is to keep the law, and how much grace is going to be needed to cover all their sin. Having sex before marriage isn’t even the starting issue, a Christian has already committed adultery when they have sexual thoughts of someone else! (Adultery isn’t just for married people!)
2. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”
Paul understands that sexual temptation is very a real and difficult struggle to overcome. He recognizes that it is wrong for a man to have sexual relations with a woman outside of marriage, and so he provide advice for when the lust is too overbearing. Paul's tells them to get married where having sexual relations with your partner is OK. This doesn't fix the problem of lust, but it offers a place to have sex where it is honorable towards God.
3. Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
The writer of Hebrews explains that marriage should be held to a high standard, and having sex within marriage is a way to keep it like that. Sexual relations outside of marriage not only diminishes the honor and sacredness of the marital bond, but it is considered immoral and adulterous.
4. Song of Solomon (2:4, 3:5, 8:7) “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”
Although there is debate on whether this book is talking about God’s love towards the church or the writer's love towards his wife, the author's intent is still the same here The author is encouraging the women of Jerusalem to not initiate the romantic, and sexual-type love until after the wedding. Why else would he mention this other than the reason that it indeed is wrong to have sexual relations outside of the marital bond? If the sexual-type love is initiated before marriage, it only grows increasingly more difficult to not have sex.
I did not write this article to put anyone to shame, but I wrote this article because of the very common belief among Christians that saving sex for marriage is outdated and not biblical. I also wrote this article because of the confusion of my first Odyssey article, "Do Not Save Sex For Marriage To Stay Pure". Thankfully I believe the article accomplished the goal to relax and alleviate the Christian mindset towards the idea that we are not pure because we might have had sexual relations before marriage. The problem is that the other extreme has taken place, many Christians may be more willing and relaxed to venture into sexual relations before marriage
That isn't OK either. And while I didn't particularly plan to write about the same topic in such a close time frame, this was needed. Both extremes need to be taught.
There is no condemnation in Christ (Romans 8:1), and every Christian has a new purity that is unbreakable because of Jesus (2nd Corinthians 5:21, 1 John 3:3). It does not fluctuate depending on your sexual activity outside of marriage. But having sex before marriage is still wrong and a sin in the eyes of the Lord. Living a life where a Christian has sex before marriage is not only a direct battle cry towards God, it's a stab in the back. To know right from wrong, to say that we love Jesus, and to intentionally live a life looking in the eyes of the Lord while we sin. It's disgusting and repulsive. I am not talking about a slip-up or random act of sin. But a continuous, day to day, sinful lifestyle (having sex once or twice before marriage versus having sex continuously before marriage).
The worst case scenario that any Christian could do now is to read this article, understand it, and go about still having sexual relations before marriage without a care. At the very least, thank God for his grace and his love despite your disobedient to clear knowledge. Much more than that, dropping down on the knees, thanking him for his love with tearful eyes, and asking him to show him your wrongdoings. John 16:8 says that one of the jobs from the Holy Spirit is to convict believers. If we are engaging in sin and we don't feel convicted, then I fearfully imagine how far the Spirit is away from our hearts.
Life as a Christian is so much better when we stay on the same side of the battle with God, not as a double agent who treads back over towards enemy lines.
