Many of us don’t talk about it. We go through this alone. We cry silent tears and lose ourselves quietly. Depression feels like you’re drowning in pain and there is no way out. I’ve seen it plague many people to the point where they want to hurt themselves. No one with depression wants death, they don’t want to end their life because they are tired of it; they are ending it because they are in too much pain and can no longer stand it.

I’ve heard many times people say to those who are depressed, “Life moves on, don’t worry you’ll get over it” or “Just go out it’ll make you feel better.” Both phrases anger me because right now those things don’t seem accurate. Yes, life continues, but in my eyes I don’t see myself getting over it; it’s been months and I still don’t see life getting better. And I understand, yes one day things will be better, but at this moment in time things aren’t. What I had to realize, however, is that this doesn’t dissipate into thin air, it takes time and patience. It’s a painful journey and it feels like you’re standing in your own personal hell, but that is just the road to a healthy mind.

I’ve never spoken about my depression in public. In fact, this is the first time, and until recently, that those closest to me have just found out about it. I was afraid that I was going to be judged, shunned, or laughed at. I also did not want to worry those closest to me because I felt that once I told them I was clinically depressed then I was going to be looked at differently. Thankfully, all the things I was most afraid of didn’t happen.

When no one knew about my mental illness, I spent a few days a week at a therapist office. I can truthfully admit that I am not one who is good at speaking with somebody about my problems. I don’t like telling someone my problems because I feel like I am boring them or they don’t care, and even though this is what a therapist is supposed to do, I didn’t think they’d actually want to listen to my issues. Turns out I was wrong, she helped me in ways I am so thankful for now. She helped me cope with my depression in ways that also helped me excel in life.

I channeled all my pain into my writing, and though sometimes I feel like I have no energy and think there is no point in doing anything, I force myself to try. Everyone has their different ways of coping with their depression. It may be completely different from mine, and that is fine because everyone is different. There will be days where we think that the depression is winning and we no longer have control of our own emotions, but you must fight it. You must find a way to make yourself feel better even if it’s by eating your favorite meal whenever you feel like life is at its lowest point. You must understand that your depression does not define you.

My dad told me something recently and it really has stuck with me, ‘the only person who can make you happy is yourself’. I think about this a lot, because while my friends, family, and partner make me very happy, at the end of the day I’m still not feeling right. The only person who can make myself actually feel true happiness and true joy for being alive day in and day out is myself. I must fight against my own demons and tell depression to get the hell out of my life. I am learning day by day that this isn’t going to define who I am. I will not let it affect me no longer, and when it tries to I will fight with all the might I have.

We are all very different and I will not tell you how to handle your depression because I am not certified for that. I am simply a girl going through this just like you. A girl who thought many times that there is no hope for her and that life will not go on. All I am saying is that you should not let your mental illness define you. You must fight against the odds and be your own personal hero. The only person who can truly help is yourself.

You got up? Good. I’m proud of you already. You’ve done something that many others have not been able to achieve. Be as strong as you can and don’t strain yourself too much because these things take time. You will not wake up and be undepressed, it does not happen like that; but, with time you will see yourself smiling more, laughing more, and truly enjoying life how you’re supposed to. I will also go through this journey of strength and courage, because my depression will not be the end of me; it is only a minor bump in my road to triumph.