Growing up Filipino in the United States was pretty cool; especially coming from a first generation family, it was like growing up with two cultures trying to find each other in the middle. One day, I would be eating lechon and pansit while staring at a Santo Nino statue; the next day, I could be eating grilled cheese and fries while watching prime time television or shopping at Walmart. All of it was fascinating, and it still is. I love being Filipino!

However, growing up Filipino American has its cons; those of us within this category may experience the difficulty of trying to balance your traditional ethnic culture with an ever-evolving American Culture. We probably often had to say, “No,” to hanging out with friends or going on long trips to another city, and it’s hard for people to understand why. Strict parenting was something we all had to get used to, and because of this, it may be hard for us to relate to “typical Americans” and their care-free lifestyle.

So what happens when you find another Filipino?

First off, there’s this weird instant connection with every Filipino I meet. We have this mutual understanding of each other; I guess it’s similar to studying abroad and finding another American in Europe. It feels awesome… amirite?

But how much of a friendship can you build on having this mutual “Filipino” understanding?

Ask me on any given day where I am from, and I will tell you, “I am American.” Yea, I am also Filipino, but I have identified myself as being more American than I will ever be Filipino. I eat burgers, talk ‘American’, frequent at the local diner and Panera, defend the Central Jersey border (we exist, get over it)… I have been able to adapt myself to this crazy beautiful culture. I mean, after all, I have lived here my whole life and I don’t think I’m moving to the Philippines anytime soon.

But what irks me—and I mean IRKS ME—is when a person wants to be friends with me, solely because we are both Filipino.

For instance…

When I was in high school, I was in the Model United Nations club (call me a dweeb, but it was my pride and joy). It was great way to mingle with other schools in the area and a great excuse to skip class. I remember the first day of our annual conference when I walked into my new committee; ironically, we were the ASEAN committee, so, of course, I had entered a room full of Asians. As I was introducing myself to others and what not, I was approached by a Filipino colleague, as she asked, “Are you Filipino?!” with much enthusiasm. It wasn’t the first time I’ve heard the question, which I then replied, “Yea I am! Cool!” and then we hugged, even though I didn’t even get the girl’s name yet. Now, this is where it went kinda weird… She had notified the guy next to her—also a Filipino guy—that I was indeed Filipino. He then approached me and with puppy eyes and an overly excited smile, “Oh my God… LET’S BE BEST FRIENDS!”

Yea… it was a little much being asked to be a ‘best friend’ to a complete stranger. I don’t remember what I said in reply, but I remember the weird feeling of I don’t even know you. Is my ethnicity the only thing that everyone saw me for? Is that why people want to be friends with me?

Once I got to college, I remember going to a bar in downtown Baltimore and being approached by a Filipino guy trying to hit on me. I noticed him eying me the whole night, so when he approached me, I decided to talk to him and let me know I was taken, to at least be nice. Though flattering that a good looking guy wanted to say hello, I was severely let down when he asked me, “Hey are you Filipino?” YES FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME PEOPLE I AM FILIPINO! Like is that the only reason why you followed me all night? Because I was the only Asian in the whole damn bar? To be honest, that was probably the only thing we had in common. And as I talked to him for a good 30 seconds, I said my goodbye and left.

Even as a college grad attending my high school’s football game, I got hit on by a Filipino high school student (yea, shit happens) with the same ‘pick up line’. “Hey are you Filipino?” Yes I answered, like every other time. Am I supposed to say no?

Like do white people walk up to white people and ask if they’re white? Please, enlighten me because how come every time a guy comes and talks to me, why is this always the first question?

I love being Filipino. I love having Filipino friends. However, there are those Filipinos in the U.S. that just want to be friends with you solely because you are ethnically Filipino, and I will always feel weird about that. I will always be questioning my friendship with some of these people. I will always be questioning if that’s why guys come up and flirt with me. Yea, it is great to know people who love lechon and calamsi juice just as much as I do (bonus points for loving hopia), but I don’t like it when that is all someone will look at me as.

All I ask is please, flirty men especially, if you want to impress me, don’t ask me, “Are you Filipino?” Ask me what my favorite food is because, let’s be honest, that’s way more important.

*I’m assuming this does not apply to every single Filipino in the United States, and that’s fine. However, these are my experiences and this is how I feel as a person who does not consider ‘being Filipino’ my strongest identity.

Comment away! I would love to hear your thoughts!