The VMAs on Sunday were, as always, a night to remember. Host Miley Cyrus surprised absolutely no one with a wardrobe malfunction, seeing as her wardrobe for the night didn't look too functioning in the first place. Nicki Minaj said some not-too-nice things about Cyrus after accepting her award for Best Hip Hop Video. Tori Kelly blew everyone out of the water with her incredible performance of "Should've Been Us," but as anyone who knows anything about Kanye West knows, the self-proclaimed "god of rap" won't stand idly by while others wrangle for the spotlight.
So how does one top a nip-slip? Easy: announce your presidential candidacy.
Now that #YEEZY2020 is on the table, let's see what a Kanye presidential run would entail:
1. Brutal Honesty
In his 15 minute VMA speech, Kanye West admitted to having smoked a joint before accepting his award. So don't expect any vague answers or flip-flopping in his presidential debates. "I'll address (politics) however it needs to be addressed, because the world is broken. Somebody's got to be crazy enough to put themselves and their wellbeing on the line for truth. Somebody's gotta do it," Kanye said last year. And that somebody is running for president. This is a man who would have said "I DID have sexual relations with that woman. And it was fantastic."
2. Fair Pay for Musicians
Okay. We know that Kanye West isn't exactly struggling to get by. Neither are Jay-Z, Rihanna, Beyonce, and Madonna. But they do stand firmly behind an effort to make music streaming and radio play revenue more fair for artists who get paid in fractions of cents.
So, whether or not Jay-Z's Tidal streaming service is the right tool to get this job done, President West could probably make more of a difference with executive power.
3. Internal Investigations
Kanye West has never been too friendly with big government. In fact, he is a proponent (perhaps the only one?) of the theory that the government created AIDS and introduced it in Africa; "And I know the government administered AIDS/So I guess we just pray like the minister say" he raps in "Heard 'Em Say." Now that West is poised to become Commander in Chief, the CIA better prepare themselves for an internal affairs probe.
4. Debates... As We Know Them Already
Since talking over one another has become the norm in our presidential debates, Kanye would feel right at home.
Get ready for the other candidates to make an "Imma let you finish" quip at every opportunity.
5. Faster French Cuisine
"In a French-ass restaurant
Hurry up with my damn croissants" -Kanye West, "I Am A God"
This line from from Yeezus remains one of Kanye's most politically savvy brushes with international diplomacy, and actually sparked this letter by the Association of French Bakers. Expect an executive order for better service at a La Boulange near you.
6. Credibility
C'mon, you say. You don't really think that Kanye West has a shot at being president in four years, do you? This is all just a publicity stunt. Right? I mean, he's said more politically incorrect things than pretty much anybody, right?
Oh. Yeah. See you at the polls.
