This week last year I was trying to figure out what I was going to be for Halloween and what to do, what I was wearing to homecoming, preparing for my club’s big event. I was looking forward to so many things so I never expected this. For you to leave us on October 6, 2015.

The day is clear as day, I had just finished performing for my event the night before I was so proud of myself. I celebrated a bit by talking to my friends and studying for my test in the morning. Who knew while I was memorizing words about law enforcement history to now that you were battling for your life in the hospital. Well I didn’t, I studied and went peacefully to bed unknowingly. I went to class the next morning hyped for my test I knew I was going to ace not knowing you left me hours ago. Finished my test in 10 minutes got on the bus and I had a text from my mom. I thought nothing of it, possibly a nice lunch to make my day even better. When I got back she was already there. I hopped in the car with a huge smile on my face to see not only my mom but my grandma also. “Girls Day” I thought until I heard the break in their voice and a closer look, red eyes and tissues. I asked what’s wrong and I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. “Granddaddy passed away this morning” my mind went blank, then exploded confused and broken I didn’t understand. This couldn’t be true; God would not do this to me, not again I could not. I cried there in the car, as I walked unattached to the world to my room to pack a bag, in the car as we drove to get food because my (great) grandma was hungry and tired. Wow I realized how bad she must be feeling he had left her too. I continued to cry the rest of the day through everyone’s “I’m sorry for your loss”, “you will be okay”, “He loved you” , and “ he is in a better place”.

I never stopped crying how could I my heart had just been ripped out of my chest and ripped apart. He was a veteran so we had to wait to bury him which made the pain worse. Once we were finally able to see him I cried harder seeing him in that casket made it unbearable. I wanted to go with him I didn’t want to be here without him. I cried so much I temporarily ran out of tears. But they came back with some water.

Now it’s been a year and I have seen you three times this year. In my dream, on your birthday, and on my (great) grandma’s birthday. Each time I was okay I felt your spirit I was at peace. But October 6 is different its emotional and I miss you. We all do and if I could have you back for just a minute I would hug you tight and tell you I love you. A lot happened that year that I’m not proud of but I know he would understand. I need to hear his voice one more time. If I had one wish that’s what I want to be able to talk to you one more time.

I miss you granddaddy every day and forever until we meet again. Until them I am taking care of the family. Promise.