It's been exactly one year since I was diagnosed with depression. One year later this is what I've discovered.
I remember the car ride going to my doctor's appointment back in October feeling miserable and lonely, but I thought it was just the case of seasonal blues, that wasn't the case. I was the type of person to bottle up all my emotions and put on a good show but on the inside, I knew I wasn't fine. I mean what twenty years old wants to hear that they have depression and needs to take medication? I was one of them. I spent the following week beating myself up for essentially nothing I had any control over. That's until I started picking up the broken pieces from the past and putting them together to make peace within.
I think a lot of my issues have to do with insecurities, something society lacks in talking about. Yes, guys are insecure too, and it doesn't make us less "manly" either. And before I go on, what the hell classifies a guy as a "manly" I mean why are we so obsessed with labels? Why can't we just live as individuals and embrace individualism? You can take these labels and stick them up your ass because that's a bunch of class A bullshit and I'm gladly calling you out on it. {Okay back on topic} I spent a lot of time looking into the mirror and wondering why I looked the way I did. I often thought to myself 'why aren't I like all the other guys who have it all'. Let me tell you something, self-obsessing and pointing out every flaw only tears you faster than accepting your flaws. I say this as someone who has dealt with it on the daily, If you are one of these people please seek help because I know the pain, I know how hard it is to look in that mirror and see someone you don't like and then turn and self-harm and I want to be that voice that says it does get better.
Part of my recovery so to speak was getting a hold of who I actually am and accepting every, single, flaw. Starting out with the obvious, yes I do have an overbite at the age of twenty still. Something that has been pointed out, laughed at and judged as been my biggest insecurity. I was actually convinced that If I didn't talk that maybe my mouth would fit properly, sadly, that wasn't the case. I was afraid to talk to my peers in school and share my opinions solely because I was insecure. Today, I have embraced my differences and my overbite, it's taken almost seventeen years to accept so those who say why don't you go to a dentist
#SorryNotSorry
Because I spent seventeen years miserable, and now I'm making up for lost time.
Yes, I have acne. No, my face isn't as smooth or clear as a baby's ass but that's fine. One day it will be clear of all those face demons. Also, shout out to the Acne companies who have profited off my misfortune, you won you bastards ;)
One year later I am still me, that hasn't changed. One year later I've gained a hell of a lot more confidence, that's something that has changed. I may not be 100% better, but I'm a lot better than what I was one year ago and for that I am thankful.
October is Depression Awareness month. Be informed. Be mindful and always be compassionate. You never know what someone is truly going through under all the cover ups.
* October 11th - National Depression Screening Day - http://www.mentalhealthscreening.org/
* And if you or somebody you know has mentioned self-harm or you see any signs of self-harm, please, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ASAP @ 800-273-TALK
