Losing someone changes your life, your heart, and your future.
You look at life with new eyes; you see each day as a new day to live in their memory. You see each opportunity as a way to make them proud from a place beyond earth. But you also see each new memory as another day that person is not with you.
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The year of firsts: first job, first adult apartment, first Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthday without them. This year is harder than any other. As life goes on, I think of what I would ask the person who is no longer with me. Some questions are: taxes...how does one do them (Turbotax right?), that 401k stuff (what percentage do I give again?), buying that new laptop (which model and processor is better?), and the most important, how do I get over a broken heart (besides lots of crying, ice cream, and wine)?
For me, my year of firsts is without my step-dad, my father by nurture and my best friend. I often ask myself what would he say about the choices I've made this year, this new adventure of life I'm on and the advice he would give me on how to be an adult (have yet to activate that credit card, I know). Now we have only celebrated one holiday without our special someone this year and I know each one will be a little harder, but I also know that they also are a great way to remember all the holidays we did share together. The waking up early to cook Thanksgiving dinner, or getting all the decorations from storage for Christmas will be something I will forever cherish.
But one thing I hope he will understand is that our year of firsts also means new traditions. We live in his memory, but have to remember new memories will be made. New adventures, new stories, and new firsts. New traditions may start; maybe it's going to someone else's for Thanksgiving, or traveling on Christmas. Always remember that however you choose to remember that person, whether it be moving on with life or living each day for them, it is YOUR choice. This is your year of firsts. Wake up every day for yourself and know that person is always with you: in your mind, in your heart, and spiritually by your side.
In the first year, you feel like a part of you is missing and frankly, it always will be, but you will find something new about yourself. You find your true strength, resilience, and love for life. So in this year of firsts, embrace the good, the bad, and the broken heart you have and live each day to the fullest.
If you're lucky, you will hear their voice in everything you do, showing you truly are their family and living for them. Yes, I know how to use a chainsaw, carve a turkey, and change a tire (please don't test me), but I also know how to give back, make (mostly) smart decisions, and love passionately. With those characteristics, that special person will never be truly gone from this world.
