A year ago almost to the day I went into a state of depression. I had just left all of my friends at my dream school to move back into my mom's house and go to a community college back home. There were many reasons why I left, but none of them could justify this huge life decision that I was making. I was mad at the world for putting so many obstacles in my way. I tried to overcome them for awhile, but I finally realized that I was just postponing what needed to be done.
It was my second semester of school and I had just moved back into the dorms after winter break. I was so excited to reunite with my friends after being gone for so long. I went to my first day of classes and everything was going good. When the time came to buy books, they were about double the price I had anticipated. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened. After talking it over with multiple family members and a lot of prayer, I decided to pack all my stuff up-only just moving in two days prior, and headed home. This was a huge deal for me because getting into my dream school was a huge accomplishment, and now I'm leaving shamefully.
I had a really good scholarship for a community college back home that most of my friends decided to take advantage of, but I was so excited to get out of this town that I was willing to do anything. I went to this super cool/fun university and now I am back at home living with my mom going to a community college. I was so full of shame and regret, I felt as if I had let everyone down. Lets just say it was hard for me to process this.
The day I left all I remember is crying so much that I was severely dehydrated. I shouldn't have even been driving because I was such a wreck I was afraid I might cause one. I get home, schedule my classes online so I don't get behind, but mainly so I didn't have to leave the house. And that is exactly how I was for months on end. I sat at home spending an hour doing homework and the rest of my time staring at blank walls. I didn't hardly eat or sleep at all. I never left the house unless my mom forced me-because she was worried about me. Anytime we went anywhere I would cry hysterically the whole time. She tried everything to cheer me up, but I was convinced everyone hated me so I could do nothing except cry. There is not many words for this. I just felt alone.
My mom finally uses the tactic of keeping me busy. She started helping me look for jobs-which was a nightmare until I finally found one. I brought up all the joy I could for the interview, and I get a call maybe an hour later saying I got the job. For some reason this made me happy cry-for the first time in months the tears weren't a bad thing. I started listening to more positive music to help motivate me at work. If something made me upset, I hid it and looked at it with a positive attitude. I didn't want to do anything that could jeopardize this. I suddenly had less time to think about how sad I was and more time put all my energy and focus into my work. From there things started getting clear. What I wanted and who I wanted to be in life.
Every day I wake up and I try to have a positive impact on those around me. I try to be that person that reaches out if there is something wrong. I do this because that is all I needed, and you never know what someone's home life is like. Here I am a year later doing what I love with people who have helped me along the way. I have the same amazing job with a few new great friends. I can still remember the exact songs that I listened to whenever I was coming out of my depressed state and whenever I hear them now I just can't help but smile. A year can do so much for your life, you just have to find that one thing that helps you make it through everyday.
"It's a bad day, not a bad life"
