I wouldn't necessarily say I'm at a bad spot in my life, but I am disappointed at the lack of excitement. As I am a little over a week away from graduating college, I thought I would have experienced a lot more positive things. Sure, things do not always go as planned, but what do I have to do to get excited about things again?

It honestly seems like every time I get my hopes up about something, it falls through or nothing comes out of it. I look around at my friends and family and see joy in their lives. My friends have gone on to have successful relationships, their own homes, and even their own families. Do you know where I'm at in my life? At the same place I've always been- my parents' house.

I want to venture out and find my own home. I thought my boyfriend and I would have a home by now. We've been dating for five years and we're still at the same place we have been since we first started dating- just boyfriend and girlfriend. Is something wrong with me? Why doesn't he want to marry me? Why does he refuse to talk about getting married or finding a house with me? I thought part of being in college involved finding the love of your life and getting engaged. I guess I was wrong. Maybe I haven't found the right person yet.

I hope to find a great career within the next few weeks despite what's going on during this pandemic. Maybe I will be able to find my dream job and not even have to consider going graduate school. Then I can buy my own house and not have to worry about living with anyone but myself. The coronavirus took a lot of things away from me, like the end of my senior year, my roommates, my graduation ceremony, spring sporting events. etc. I was so excited about each of those things, but now they are gone.

I am almost 22. I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years. I almost have a degree in biology. I live at home due to the coronavirus pandemic. What has changed since high school? One piece of paper. After four whole years, all that has changed is that I will receive a piece of paper saying I completed my coursework for my degree. What about a ring? What about a house? What about traveling the world? I don't have any of that.

As a female, I naturally desire building my own family. At this point in my life, I honestly don't think its going to happen for me. The man I'm with hasn't changed anything about our relationship in 5 years. No proposal. No wedding. No future plans. No home.

Maybe its time I take my piece of paper and change something for myself.