Growing up, children -- girls especially -- are taught not to be full of ourselves. We are taught to stay away from the spotlight; that good girls are modest, bashful, seen and not heard. I don’t think I can put my finger on the exact moment, but there came a time, around middle school, when I became uncomfortable with myself. It was no longer cool to be proud of your accomplishments-- nobody likes a cocky girl. It was better to blend in than to stand out, to be the pretty shy girl than the one taking charge. It seemed as though there were unwritten rules about how you should view yourself. No matter how good you thought you looked on a particular day, you should never, ever admit it.

Now, some of this can be accredited to normal, prepubescent, preteen awkwardness. However, as the years have gone by, I’ve noticed an even bigger underlying issue. Girls aren’t allowed to be confident because society tells us it’s wrong. What’s even more disturbing is the amount of girls who feed into this ridiculous notion, putting other girls down for feeling good about themselves. I myself have been guilty of this until recently.

If a girl posts too many selfies, she’s seen as self-centered. If she has the nerve to say, “I feel beautiful today,” she’s stuck up and full of herself. But if a girl voices her insecurities, she’s attention seeking and fishing for compliments. It seems impossible to win, so what’s the solution?

I think the notion that a girl can’t love herself starts much earlier in life than we think. Not only are we taught all those “rules” I mentioned above, but we also learn from what we see. How many times did you witness your mom putting makeup on when you were little, complaining about her wrinkles or weight? How many commercials do we see on TV aimed at women to improve our appearances? All of these have an effect on young girls, and while it’s normal to comment on your appearance in the mirror or try out a new age-reducing product, it’s just as important to talk about being comfortable in your own skin and teaching little girls from the get-go that nothing is wrong with loving yourself.

There’s a huge double standard here between men and women. If a guy posts a shirtless post-gym selfie no one says anything, but if a girl posts a picture of her in a bikini, there’s almost a guarantee she’ll be slut-shamed. If she thinks she looks good, why the hell do you care? I’d love for someone to actually answer that question, but the thing is, I don’t think they could, because when it comes down to it, there’s no reasoning behind it.

It’s unfair that I can’t voice my accomplishments and be proud of myself without being berated for it. It’s dumb that if you think you’re pretty, you have to keep it a secret. Believe it or not, it’s possible to be modest and confident. It’s all about balance, but if we keep putting each other down, we’ll never achieve it.

Why is it that when a girl is told, “you’re perfect,” it’s common for her to respond “not at all” or “far from it?” I’m not saying the proper response should be “I know,” but there’s no need to put yourself down. I truly believe the best way to change this way of thinking starts with setting an example for younger girls. Teach them to love themselves, but first, if you don’t already, learn how to love yourself. Train yourself to look in the mirror and not immediately criticize your appearance. And for God’s sake, girls, stop putting each other down! Everyone is entitled to self-love. By putting another girl down for being confident, you’re only speaking volumes about your own insecurities and that’s pretty sad.

I’ve come so far and I deserve to be proud of the person I’ve become and I will never let anyone tell me otherwise. Call me self-centered, call me full of myself, but I love who I am and I’ll never change a damn thing.