I began writing for Odyssey due to an ulterior motive. Throughout the three years since I had come to terms with my sexual orientation, I had become increasingly uncomfortable with not being open about my sexuality. Originally, I had the attitude that my sexuality was nobody's business and unless someone asked, I had no reason to come out. Nonetheless, people constantly assuming I was straight began to frustrate me. So I asked myself, what would be the best way to come out? This thought lead me to apply to write for Odyssey, which I saw as the perfect avenue to share my opinions about coming out as bisexual, as well as finally come out myself. Following being accepted to be a content creator for Odyssey, my first article, "The Effects Of Bisexual Erasure," received overwhelmingly positive feedback. This served to enhance my enthusiasm for publishing my work and led me to believe I could actually have a voice on issues I was passionate about.
My ulterior motive aside, the other main reason I sought to write for Odyssey was because I am an incredibly introverted person and frequently find it difficult to express my opinions in a non-confrontational manner. I assumed publishing my opinions in the form of articles on the internet would be an effective way for me to enunciate my beliefs in a fashion less frightening than expressing my opinions to people face-to-face. Moreover, the internet would serve as screen so I could not directly observe people's reactions to the opinions I expressed, thus shielding myself from criticism.
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Following the success of my first article, I thought my goal of getting my voice out there would be achieved. I was overwhelmed with the positive feedback I, as someone who is usually ignored, received. Nevertheless, my enthusiasm has slowly been waning. From outright criticisms of my articles to, more commonly, no feedback at all, I often believe I am simply throwing useless opinions into the void of the internet.
How does this fit with writing as an introvert? First of all, it is disheartening to see my ability to express my opinions has gone unnoticed. Being introverted, I struggle to be noticed in my day to day life, so knowing I am not even noticed on the internet leads to a feeling of worthlessness. Even though I am putting my ideas out there, I receive nothing back, which begs the question, what is the point? Even with this question constantly nagging at the back of my mind, I have continued to push forward, hoping I will publish something that resonates with people. This has yet to happen.
Additionally, it bears mentioning something I have alluded to in previous articles: I am a very socially anxious person. This leads to an extreme fear of rejection and criticism. In other words, receiving negative feedback or a lack of feedback is terrifying for me.
Ultimately, writing as an introvert is an intimidating process. I began this journey because I am an introvert, seeking an avenue to communicate the various beliefs I hold, since I am not able to express them in person. Publishing one's work as an introvert can be a very rewarding process if others pay attention; I can attest to this because of the astounding satisfaction I felt after the success of my first article. Nonetheless, having one's work go unnoticed can be especially devastating for an introvert, who may be seeking attention through the internet where he/she does not receive it in everyday life. This devastation is only enhanced if the individual is socially anxious and fears rejection above all else.
All of these factors have led me, more and more lately, to question why I write. After all, if my articles are ignored, publishing my work is not serving my original goal of enabling my voice to be heard. Despite this, I look at this as an opportunity to thicken my skin. Perhaps this situation can aid me in learning to accept criticism and come to terms with the fact that my work will sometimes go unnoticed.
So, if anyone is struggling with a similar dilemma, in any context -- not just writing -- I encourage you to look at the situation from another perspective. Even if you are not achieving your original goal, you may be able to grow from the experience in other ways. Evaluate what benefits you may gain; do not simply give up.
