The semester is getting busier, and, for English majors, that means papers. I have an essay due soon, and I always set aside two Sundays to work on them. Essays are never fun, and, unless you're a crammer, there's a whole process you have to go through.
Step One: Procrastination
You have two weeks before the paper is due; that's plenty of time to not do it and go out with friends instead. Why worry about it?
Step Two: Outlining
You feel like you should be working on your paper, so you bust out your notebook and start figuring out what you want to write about. You have to collect your thoughts before you dive in. Plus, you're basically doing your paper without actually writing it yet.
Step Three: Forgetting
You have your outline, and you still have time. That's good enough for now, so you're done worrying about it. Instead, you go to the movies, go to parties, and effectively avoid your homework.
Step Four: Remembering
This is when, a few days before your paper is due, you realize that you totally forgot about it. You don't even remember what your topic was or where you put your outline. Time to cram.
Step Five: Finding quotes
Why didn't you do this when you outlined? Why are there so many pages? Why didn't you highlight more lines? Why is this taking so long?
Step Six: First Draft
Your paper is written. It's terrible and the grammar is awful, but it's written. You spent hours typing this paper, and it's not even worth it. Also, you only have a few days to fix it before it's due. Why are you taking this class again?
Step Seven: Ignore your paper
It was so bad that you don't even know how to fix it, so you stuff it under your bed and do something else. 24 hours, that's how long you give yourself before you look at it again which you don't want to think about doing. How bad would your grade be if you just turned it in?
Step Eight: Your professor looks over it
This is the part you dread, but you know it needs to be done. You hope your professor gives you a few changes and calls it good. You end up getting a laundry list of stuff you have to fix, and you're pretty sure your professor thinks less of you now.
Step Nine: Final Draft
You have three hours before your essay is due, and it's the worst paper you've ever written. Time to rewrite the whole thing. Who needs to eat or sleep when you have coffee?
Step Ten: Give up
You're basically out of time, so you double check the whole thing and submit it. Then you notice a typo. Time to drop out of school and run away to Disney World. You could totally be a Disney Princess, right?
