Picture this: you're in high school being forced to choose a career to pursue in college. After weeks of procrastinating and contemplating the futility of existence (and how everyone will eventually make their untimely demise resulting in your inevitable panic attack), you realize you would like to pursue writing. You think "now what?" or "where do I even start?"
To begin writing, you want to start with the obvious: be cliche with your work. Finding something to write about is as easy as looking on the back cover of a YA novel. Supernatural romance? Get to writing. Sappy teen drama? There you go. It is as simple as looking at the Twilight saga.
Your next step is to avoid any and all fiction writing classes/clubs. What you can learn from others about voice, plot structure, character development, and general storytelling mechanics are completely unnecessary. Other writers can provide little to no inspiration. Much of it is original and dull, and most of them will try to encourage you to step outside of the box. Definitely, want to avoid other writers. Before you know it, they'll convince you to actually put effort into your writing.
Step three to becoming a writer is simple: don't write. It's not helpful to jot down ideas for stories, or bits of conversation you overhear, or interesting situations you learn of, and character names you create. Keeping a little notebook can get messy and, worst of all, your hand will cramp up if you write. Just trust your memory. That great idea you thought of just before going to bed will still be there in the morning. Trust me.
Step four is to completely fall in love with your words (don't edit). At least do it to the point where you can't be a ruthless editor. It's not important to be able to read your work with a critical eye and get rid of excess verbiage. Regardless of whether it's a legal memo or a short story, if you put the work away for a while, you won't be able to come back to it with a fresh eye, nor easily see if it needs improvement. Editing is what publishers take care of, leave it to them!
Step five is to not use detail with dialogue. Detail is very overrated and might bore your readers. Never use any other verb than "said" when characters are talking. The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in, therefore it doesn't matter what you use. "Said" is far less intrusive than "grumbled", "gasped", "cautioned", or "lied". Forget the details, after all, it's just important dialogue that could forward the plot.
Finally, step six to being a writer is to underestimate what it takes to write a novel. You should have visions of publishing success and acclaim from the start, forget hard work and perseverance. As soon as you send it into a publisher, they will be ready to accept it and put it on bookshelves everywhere. Writing your first novel doesn't mean having strategies for maintaining motivation, discipline, focus, direction, or even confidence in your story.
Being a writer is very simple. You don't want to put time and energy into your work. The effort requires patience, which is not something you need to write a perfectly cliche novel. Talking to other authors is a hassle. Sure they could convince you to improve on your writing and step out of your comfort zone. But it is called a comfort zone for a reason. Stick to these basic rules and you'll be a writer in no time.
