Back from the Thanksgiving break and it feels like there was no break. It's funny, but getting older makes it seem like there is no downtime anymore. I'm not necessarily stretched thin, but it most certainly feels that way most of the time.

Right now I'm working two jobs. Unfortunately, the one job isn't giving me the hours I requested, so I'm barely there. I'm seeing my girlfriend (whom I've come to be convinced is utterly perfect, by the way) at least 4 times a week. And then I'm trying to balance family time, drumming, the gym, reading and writing and anything else that is important to make time for.

I can't seem to find the time for any of it. Maybe I have horrendous time management skills. I keep telling myself I'll get up earlier tomorrow and then have more time in my day. Well when morning comes, I hit snooze… And then I hit it again… And then I third time before I absolutely need to get up.

I'm so tired all the time, which makes it even more of a challenge. I know it sounds like a lot of my articles, like "The End Is Nigh...," "Summer Is Halfway Through...," "The Problem With Over-Thinking," and "Why I Started Writing A Journal," are just me bitching about a struggle that is in no way unique to me. And in a way, yeah, I am just bitching.

Like my sense of irony? c1.staticflickr.com

But I'm also hitting a writer's block in many areas; I've been trying to write a poem for my girlfriend for a while. I know that's cheesy, but I'm a romantic at heart, and I think it's a beautiful thing to put down on paper just how you feel. There's romanticism in a handwritten letter, and that same romance is ever present in a love poem.

But I can't articulate how I feel in a way that suits my poetic needs. I've never really written a love poem (if you've read my poems "She & I" and "I (She & I Part 2)," you'd seen they deal with love. But they're negative; this is the first time I'm trying to write one that isn't full of doubt or worry but is actually just about love, in the most perfect sense of it).

I'm struggling with writing in general too. I'll look at some script ideas, and I just keep getting anxious; I almost feel like I've forgotten how to write. So I keep putting it off rather than just diving in and finally finishing one, so it's ready to be read by someone other than myself.

Writers Blockc1.staticflickr.com

And I have writer's block here as well. I don't know what to write about anymore. I said I was going to approach these articles differently; and for a few weeks, that reinvigorated my writer, and a stream of new ideas came.

But it was short lived. Trying to balance all the other stuff has put somewhat of a mental block up for me, in terms of creativity.

So that's where these "bitching" articles come into play. I'm not really saying these things to complain, nor am I naive enough to think no one else has ever experienced such emotions. Rather, these few "here I am at this stage in my life" articles are really meant to document just that.

They're like an extension of my journal, to look and examine myself now, versus then. From my last bitching article, I've gotten somewhere much better.

I mean, I've written about being lost and still in school. Now I have a job with a future, and I'm out of school.

After School comes the futurei.vimeocdn.com

I wrote about a lot of my online dating experiences in my articles "The Owls Are Still Watching Me," "A Return To Owl Cave," and "A Return To Owl Cave-Redux." I tried saying how I was getting signs and I was trying to be positive. But really, I was just looking for someone that made me feel good about myself and whom I could love. And I was trying to force connections I guess because that had always been what I was looking for. It's what we are all looking for. And I felt like I wouldn't find it. Just like everyone else does at times.

And when I stopped looking and trying to force chemistry, it found me (I didn't realize I was forcing a connection by the way, not during anyways. I was just trying to find something worth something. It wasn't until each experience was called off that I realized there was nothing there in the first place). And honestly, for the first time in my life, I am in love. It happened naturally. And it made my lackluster online dating escapades worth it.

So this isn't another bitch fest, it's an article that again examines where I am in my life. Like my last one, with the overthinking and over analyzing problem I have. Except, it's having more of an acknowledgment of what's good.

But this article started off rather negative, didn't it? Well, I just turned 24, and the whole notion is that time just seems to be flying. I feel like I am going to wake up tomorrow and be 34, or 44, or 54 and so on. I just wish it would slow down a little. To take in the chill of winter's air, or to notice how when she laughs she gets a little crease on the bridge of her nose. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I just wish time didn't move so fast so I could really appreciate it. Because while I appreciate it, it feels like its all slipping, and I'm getting older. I know I'm melodramatic — the curse of being a young adult.